Who Owns This House Anyway?

Oh ya. The bank does.

Chris and I have been having daily panic attacks since we accidentally found out our construction loan is closing June 1st. No. No on informed us of this. I just happened to stop by our bank to ask them exactly what we needed to have finished so we could close our loan and get the lower interest rate.

“Oh. Mrs. Gallagher. Well, your loan closes on June 1st. If your house isn’t completely finished by then, you can hand over 1,200 more dollars of your hard earned money to buy a 3 month extension.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell us about this deadline?”

“Well, I’m sure it was on one of your monthly statements from the bank.”

“You mean the monthly statements that no one looks at? The ones that are hidden in piles of mail that no one in our household wants to open or look at? Or maybe you’re talking about the monthly statements that got lost along with the rest of our mail when our address changed three times. Are those the statements you’re talking about?”

Apparently, yes, those were the statements she was talking about. So now what do you do about a house that is so incomplete that there is no possible way you can finish it in two weeks? First of all you spend the first week worrying about what you’re going to do. Then the next week you spend on the phone with the bank begging and negotiating a way to get out of this deadline without forking out another dime.

“Would anyone there have a problem with a very expensive, year round, enclosed sunroom/sand box? We really love our children and this is something we’ve always wanted to give them.”

“No, we never intended for a wood burning stove to go there. That’s a stage where we’re going to have family productions. That hole up there in the ceiling over the stage is where the fake snow, rain, ufo’s and other type of things will fall from the sky (be dropped from the roof) onto the actors. We’re also going to use it for a...you know...laundry chute. In case you’re up on the roof and you spill ketchup on your shirt and it needs to be laundered. 'Oh look. There's a laundry chute right here, just where I needed it.'"

“We thought it would be safer not to have steps going to the front door. Otherwise people can slip on them and hurt themselves.”

“That’s just how I designed the bathroom cabinets. You can access them from the front doors OR you can just reach right in from the top. I think everyone is going to start doing this in their homes.”

“We thought it was a little frivolous to have a tub AND a sink in each bathroom. So I came up with the idea for everyone to wash their hands and brush their teeth while taking a shower. That won’t be a problem will it?”

The bank thought these were all wonderful and innovative ideas. They’ve hired us as consultants for all their new home construction.