Dear Stranger,

Loving husband that you are, I’m sure you won’t mind calling Fidelity Investments and asking them to send us a check for $2.01. I know you don’t have a lot of fun in life because you are so busy working hard for the family. I know that getting a letter in the mail each month from FI stating that we have $2.01 invested with their company gives you a great amount of joy. How you love to see big companies waste their money on this kind of nonsense. You really feel like you’re getting your money’s worth. But really, it’s been how many years now and maybe hundreds of dollars in their wasted postage to inform us of said investment?

I just thought that since you no longer reside here and I don’t receive as much enjoyment opening these fun letters without you, you might call them and put an end to all the merriment. Just think of all the pleasure we’ll get from planning how to spend all the money; 4 tasty Artic Circle swirl ice cream cones, 2 skating passes at the Fun Center, dinner for the kids at their favorite fine restaurant, Taco Time.

While you’re at it could you also give Track Data a call and have them send a check for $5.49. We’re just not the big investors that we used to be and we could really use that extra cash to pay off our mortgage. Oh ya, and the $20,000 in spare change that the IRS owes us from the last two years of taxes would be nice too. Could you maybe drop them a line? Thanks.

Your loving wife,
Lazy, who doesn’t want to open and file any more of these entertaining letters.