No wonder I can't make it to Church on time.

I spent 45 minutes curling Persistence’s hair for Church on Sunday. I’ve been threatening to do it for weeks but she always refuses. I bribed her with a pedicure this time and she fell for it. For such a prissy girl, she sure hates having her hair done. Wimp.

Victor got a pedicure too but I wouldn’t curl his hair. I did cut it though which he loves. I can tell by all his encouraging words while I’m patiently working. First of all I have to drag him to the stool after he runs and hides from seeing me get out the hair cutting equipment. Another wimp.

Him - Can’t we just go to the barber where they know what they’re doing?

Me – You don’t have enough money to pay for a barber and I know what I'm doing.

Him – No you don't and yes I do have enough money. I have over 500 dollars in the bank. I’d use all of it too. It would be worth it.

Me – Forget it, now hold still.

Him – I am holding still. You know, you’re just going to have to pay someone to fix my hair anyway, after you ruin it.

Me – I’m not going to ruin it this time. Holding still doesn’t mean moving every body part except your head. When you thrash around like that, your head also moves.

Him – Well my nose itches! You will too ruin it. You ruin it every time.

Me- You can itch it when I’m done! Now hold still and be quiet or I won’t have it fixed and you’ll just walk around looking like a dork. Not that I’m going to ruin it, because I’m not.

Him – Yes you will. Are you done yet?

Me – No. I just started.

Him – Ow! Are you trying to cut my ear off?

Me – That’s what you get for wiggling your big toe, see? It made your head move. If you do it again I just might cut your whole ear off and it may or may not be an accident.

This is the point where he tries to run away again so I have to give him the death grip and make even bigger threats. I don’t care that I’ve been trying to cut his hair since he was 1. One of these days, if he would hold still long enough, I would figure out how to do it. It’s not my fault he has the straightest hair that shows every tiny flaw.

Surprise, surprise, today is the day and it didn't even take 2 hours and three different tries. His hair is perfect without any bald patches or uneven spots. Not that you can tell from the photo. That’s the gel, not my hair cutting abilities. Now, just wait till I get my clippers on Stranger. He’s lucky he’s 27 hours away!

It appears in the photo that my children really love each other. What fakers. They took two lovely minutes out from trying to kill me with their taunting each other and screaming and running around, to pose for the camera. I need some kind of straight jackets to put on them after they are ready for Church so they won’t destroy all my hard work before we even get out of the house.