Sometimes You Shouldn’t Tell the Truth

Even when it's the truth. And you want to tell it. And you're not lying because it's true. Can I stop saying that now?

Be careful what you say in front of your children. Stranger and I are very critical about how other people handle their children. Or don't. Handle them. We are so justified. We’re talking: A 5 year old eating in a restaurant who decides she doesn't want sauce on her spaghetti so she grabs a handful, holds it up in the air and squeezes all the sauce off. With her hands. (What am I talking about? You can't squeeze spaghetti with a fork! and by the way, the Mother didn't seem to have a problem with this.) Other kids, who sit at their own table at a restaurant, dump all their drinks in the middle of the table, add their food and then play in it. My children were so sickend that they couldn't even sit by them. (Yes the mother saw exactly what they were doing!) Children who whine and throw a fit if they don’t get their way or their Mother doesn’t buy them their OWN candy when everyone else is sharing. Do you see how difficult it is NOT to comment about things like this in front of my kids? (When it's all true!!!) I guess we need to try harder to keep our mouths shut (Even when it's the truth.).

There are some children that Victor refuses to play with or get along with. Now I realize I can directly trace this behavior back to something Stranger and I have said about each child. (All of it true!)

A new boy moved into our old neighborhood a while back and the kids were playing with him. I overheard them all playing together and later I said something terrible to my kids that I should have never said. “Is that boy five? He sounds more like a two year old.” Can you believe it! Ok, baby talk drives me crazy! Well sure enough. Victor never wanted to play with that boy again. Once I realized what I had done I had a talk with the kids about how some things are harder for some kids than others. (I found out later that the boy really did have a speech problem.) We all have our challenges and it doesn’t make us better or worse for it. We’re all trying and we need to be nice to everyone. Eventually Victor started playing with that boy again.

Today we were going somewhere with friends and a boy that Victor just cannot be nice to. I decided that Stranger and I were the sole cause of this and I had better start trying to fix this. Paying him to play with this boy wasn't working. Even for Victor who will do anything for money.

“You guys are going to be playing with Soanso today won’t that be fun?”

“No, Soanso is so rude and won’t share his toys and he throws a fit if he doesn’t get his way. (Ain't that the truth.) Can’t I just stay home?”

“Well, I remember he used to act like that but he’s a lot older now and I think he’s gotten really nice and fun to play with.” (Not so much the truth but more likely to foster warm feelings.)

A couple hours later: “Soanso is going to be there today, Mom?”

“Yes.”

“Cool! I can’t wait to play with him!”

Cool! He bought it!

Guess what? We didn’t have one single problem with them getting along. How does that make you feel? All your kid’s problems REALLY are your fault. (The truth hurts.) You just suspected it before but now it has all been confirmed.

I want to be one of those Mothers. You know the ones who have kids that grow up to say, “Our Mother was so kind. She never said a bad word about anyone.” (Even though she could have said quite a bit and it would have all been true.) I have a long way to go on that account but I just wanted you to know I’m working on it. And that's the truth.