In which we learn about hair removal and the facts of life.

I am in hairless heaven! I’m sure this is more than you want to know about me but my handy-dandy Emjoi Gently Gold Caress Epilator was delivered this week. It’s not as an Emjoiable experience as the name would have you believe but it’s not that bad either. It’s definitely worth a little bit of pain to have a hairless body without shaving every day. Not that I shaved every day. I am WAY too lazy for that. So basically I just walked around hairy, hoping not too many people would notice. I had to be careful not to stand in direct sunlight and keeping my body covered like a Shiite Muslim helped.

Persistence was so eager to get this new toy delivered. She declared that her legs were way too hairy and she was going to have to use it every day. When it arrived they were so excited that I made them do their chores before we opened it. Hey. I’m not stupid. Any chance I can get to have them work without fighting, I’m going to take it.

We opened our package, I plugged the epilator in and the fun began. Hair was flying. Kids were jumping up and down. They wanted to try it too but stood back in horror after I held it to their skin for 1/16th of a second each. “Ahhhhh! How can you do that? Doesn’t it hurt? I can’t believe it doesn’t hurt you.” I took this opportunity to teach them a very valuable lesson about life. Beauty is pain. Hmmmm. Not exactly what I had had in mind for today’s Homeschooling lesson but it would have to do. I was having too much fun to stop.

They did eventually agree to pitch in and help me do the backs of my legs. Victor kept saying, “Gross!” I’m not sure if he was talking about yanking the hair out or looking at my legs. Whatever. Just as long as he was thorough. I wouldn’t want Lovely to see a stray hair back there when we’re getting dressed together. It’s not like there is anyone else around to see or care. Maybe I should send Stranger a picture.

Lovely didn’t want to miss out on the thrill. If you are a one year old you can have fun running this device up and down your legs. But when it’s turned on you are smart enough to keep your distance. Especially after you’ve learned the meaning of the word, “Ouchie!” when your Mother granted you your sincerest desire to try it for yourself. This is one of those few times in a one year olds day when no means no instead of yes, sometimes or maybe.

“The vibrating agents on the side help to eliminate discomfort.” That means they are trying to trick your skin into thinking it’s getting a friendly massage. Let me tell you. My skin is not that stupid. It knows when it’s getting its hair ripped out by the roots. The truth is this. In some spots it tickles. In some spots it stings and in some spots it will make you bawl like a baby. But every spot will be soft and smooth and worth it.

Just when I thought I had run out of spots to epilate I took it right between the eyes. I’m not saying it wasn’t scary because it was. One wrong move and I could have lost an eyebrow. For weeks. Luckily my eyebrows remained intact so I didn’t have to go buy myself any little eyebrow wigs. Can you get those at Target? Just wondering.

Now go buy an epilator for yourself. You know you want to and your lazy self will thank when you can jump in and out of the shower without shaving. You can use the time you save to finish folding your laundry. JUST KIDDING! We all know you’ll use it for blogging. Now that I think about it maybe you should just wait till they make epilators with internet access.