Make Way For Bruno The Bargain Slayer

Stranger called me today and asked me if I was ready for a new van because GM was giving a $7,000 rebate. I about choked on a pickle. I told him I’d call him back after I was done eating so I wouldn’t have any more near death experiences during our conversation.

When I asked him about it later he took it all back, “Are you kidding? We can’t afford to buy a new van!”

“Then why did you tell me to start looking for one?”

“I just said to look! I didn’t say we were going to buy anything.”

“Well why should I waste my time looking if we’re not going to get one?”

“In case we find a really good deal.”

“I thought you said we couldn’t afford to buy a new van.”

“We can’t.”

“Ok, can we change the subject now?”

That’s my husband, the haggle fanatic. He’s the only straight man I know that could have a successful career as a personal shopper. This is a man who will walk, unafraid into a clothing store with his wife, a man who cannot be distracted from a Walmart electronics isle by the tired sobs of a pregnant woman, a man who can spend 3 hours telling you what he could make with every single item in a Michaels craft superstore.

His personal mantra is “Research, Research, Research”. He has to browse every store, search every internet site and question every relative, friend and stranger until he’s satisfied he’s found the exact widget he wants. Here's where the real work begins. He has to locate the best deal! If he were a super hero he would be Millennial Man because that’s how long it takes him to decide he’s found the best price on the planet. Just look how long it took me to get my Bob and that was a fairly quick transaction. I’m still waiting for the video camera promise that was my Christmas present from 2005. I’m pretty sure that doesn’t mean I’ll get two presents this year but it doesn’t hurt to be optimistic.

This man has many complex personalities. Not least of all his evil alter-ego, Ruthless Rule Maker, who has super human powers for making up game rules as he goes along. TOO LATE. The game has already started and you’re no match for the plague of the Mistress of Thrift! I’m going van shopping!!!