13 Things

There's nothing like finding old unused articles to post when you're sick in bed. Remember my last dinner party?

"I was not home getting dinner ready for 14 people coming over that night for dinner and a book club. I'm so organized that I stopped by the store on my way home to grab the food and was just getting out of the shower as everyone was arriving at my door. Yay for me! They only had to wait an hour and a half till the food was ready to eat. It was honestly one of the most brilliant
(brilliantly stupid) organizational moments of my life.

The food was great though. Especially after I burned the sauce and had to start over with it which was totally worth it because as Stranger just pointed out, not one single person even mentioned liking it.

Ya, good times. For more tips on organizing your cooking and meals please visit http://someone_elses_cooking_tips.com/ because I clearly don't have this figured out."

I think I have it all figured out now (in theory anyway). Here is my list of ten things I should remember to do BEFORE I have my next dinner party.

1. Decide what to make.


2. Buy the food.


3. Cook the food. Yes, before the party starts would be nice.


4. Buy big people sized paper plates instead of the little snack plates we use. That way I don't have as many dishes to wash three days after the party when I finally have the courage to re-enter my kitchen.


5. Put out the big garbage can instead of thinking everyone will use the tiny invisible one that sits on my counter. At least I think it must be invisible because no one can seem to find a garbage can that is sitting right in front of them.


6. Offer my guests something to drink. This is a good one to remember.


7. Figure out how long to cook the sauce and learn to use a timer so I don't burn it the first time and then in a crazed rush to get it ready to eat, seriously overcook it the second time.


8. Find chairs for everyone to sit on so they don't have to use the plywood topped fireplace.


9. Take serious action about the fly infestation in my house. And by action I mean something besides installing fly strips right inside the front door so that guests get their hair stuck in them when they try to enter the house.


10. Petition the city to install a street sign so I don't have to tell people to drive until you see a green house and then turn around (because at that point you've gone too far) and take a right on the dirt road without a sign.


11. Get a sidewalk with steps so people can get to my front door. Or else tell them to bring a chainsaw so they can blaze a path through the weeds.


12. Repaint my house so I don't have to hear for the millionth time, "Why did you paint your house green? Do you like that color?" For the record... no. I looked at all the paint chips for the ugliest color I could find and then used it to paint my house. But thanks for asking.


13. Invite all the same people again to see if I can do any better impressing them the second time around. That is, if I can get them to come after their first horrifying experience.