Assigned Seating
Some of you might remember an old WFMW that I posted last year about curing sibling rivalry. It worked for us for years but now that my kids are a little older I have had to think of a new system. They just don't care that much anymore whether or not they get to answer the phone or say the prayer before we eat. Either that or I just got too old to keep track of whose week it was.
We have a new system now that works even better and I call it Assigned Seating. One thing all parents soon discover about kids is that they will fight about anything and I mean anything. This is news to me of course because I never fought with my siblings. No, of course not.
My children are expert at it though. Even if my daughter likes to sit in the back seat of the van she is willing to fight her brother to the death to sit in the middle row of seats just because she knows that's where he wants to sit and he will do the same. With Assigned Seating there is almost no fighting. My daughter sits in the back and my son and two year old sit in the middle, exactly where they wanted to sit in the fist place but without any fighting. The also have an assigned seat at the dinner table and they each have their own seat in the living room.
Assigned Seating goes beyond just seating arrangements however. It also includes chores around the house. We do not change jobs every day or week or month. The kids negotiate their responsibilities in our family counsels, I have final word and that is what they are stuck with until a new deal is struck.
We have had a new saying at our house ever since our two year old was potty trained. "He feeds her, she pees her." Quaint isn't it? It means that my son is in charge of feeding Lovely in the car (which I'm ashamed happens as often as it does) and my daughter is in charge of taking her potty. There is no arguing or complaining about it. They just do it.
There is no argument about whose turn it is to do dishes. It's my son's turn. Every day. For the rest of his life. Until I change my mind. We don't have to wonder about whose turn it is to feed the chickens or the cats or water the horses. We always know whose turn it is to vacuum out the van or put laundry away. They are all assigned jobs.
Any time the kids think they can whine and complain to get out of doing something they will. Once they know their fate is sealed there is no reason to argue. They just do it.
I might sound like a tyrant but any time I ask my son if he would like a different jobs besides washing dishes he tells me, "No way! Washing dishes is way easier than cleaning the rest of the house!"
And we live happily ever after.
Till the brother smacks the sister upside the head the next time he passes her in the hall. Does anyone have a cure for that?
Try it and see if Assigned Seating works for you too! Check out more WFMW tips at Rocks in My Dryer.
More tips on teaching kids to work.
Labels: Organize Your Kids, Works for me Wednesday
posted by The Lazy Organizer @ 3:16 PM
24 Comments
24 Comments:
We use a similar message to corral our critters. Will be looking for answers on the smacking the sister in the hallway thing. I'll get back to you on that one. Don't wait standing up!
Yep we have assigned seating here in our house too....me at the one end and hubbie and all the kids down at the other. Works for me!!! LOL
tyrants unite! our house runs in a very similar fashion and you are right, it does work and cut down on the arguing.
whenever the kids do act up and say let an accidental shoe fly across the room, i make them sit down on the floor and hold hands until i say they can get up. it's hard to stay mad at someone when you are holding their hand and before i know it, they are usually giggling - probably over how stupid i am to make them sit there like that but i'll take them bonding any way it comes!
Great idea. We've had assigned seats for awhile, but I like the idea of assigning the older ones some minor responsibilities of the younger ones. I wonder if mine (4, 3, 2, 9 months, and one on the way) are too young to start? :)
Well, we have the assigned seats, but are only now getting used to assigned jobs.(our oldest are 19, 17 and 15) They will weasel there way out if they can. Our punishment for fighting was to make them share a bedroom with the other. It didn't "really" work. But we had fun watching the little buggers suffer. The slapping thing will not stop until she gets him a good one back. If he knows he is stronger he will keep at it. Aren't kids wonderful?
Sounds just like the way I was raised. :-) I plant to implement the same rules around our house as well. Good for you!
Should you ever decide to write a book on this, I will be the first in line to buy it. I am SO exhausted of the arguing and physical confrontations between my older two (8 and almost 6) over the same issues as what you described. It never ends. We have to have assigned seating, too (okay, so I get bent out of shape when my husband sits on MY side of the couch!). Assigned chores would be great, if only I could get my children to cooperate. While they are generally nice and loving and fun, they can be hugely defiant, as well. I don't know how I birthed these children, as I was quite anal about chores and eager to please as a child. These are my sister's children, I say. And my sister, who was quite defiant herself, somehow ended up with the compliant kids. Hmmm.
Awesome WFMW! We have assigned jobs and seats as well.
We have assigned seating, chores and prayer times too. The three oldest who are old enough to pray have different meal times that they pray at every day. When #4 is old enough, we'll have to come up with a new system, which will change again when the others are old enough too.
As for the head smacking, helmets might be good :)
I love the idea of permanent chores! My kiddos are too little still, but that's what my mom did with us when I was growing up. With 5 kids, there was no way she was going to use a rotating system. To this day, I'm happy to do dishes, but you couldn't pay me to take out the trash!
We do this at the kitchen table so that we know which of the eight children who dine at the table have left their dishes once they are excused from the table.
It's a great tip, thanks!
Tracy
We haven't had the head smacking since DH told them to duke it out on their own now. They are the same size & DD is stronger, so why not? I came out of the shower one day & peeked in the LR after hearing some yelling. She's standing there holding her belly & he's bleeding from the mouth, but neither of them came tattling & it hasn't happened again since then. ;) GOOD LUCK!
I have got to try this. My older 2 girls fight constantly and you're right, even if it's not what they want they'll fight just to irritate the other one. Hopefully tonight we'll have time to sit down and assign seats.
I shall go home tonight and assign seats! What a fantastic idea. My girls argue all the time over whose turn it is to clean the playroom.
When we were kids we had assigned seating at the dinner table, but rotated for the front seat on the car. LOL It would have been much easier for it just to have been decided before hand for us. :) Glad to hear it's working out for your family.
BTW: Quick question..is there a way to go back and read your old blog posts? Forgive me if I'm missing it..but I don't see a link to view archives or go back to previous pages. I just found your blog and would love to read more.
Have a great day!
Lovely strategy. We are currently in the even day/odd day mode of deciding who sits in the coveted middle seat in the van. But we do have hairy debates on those months that end on the 31st (with the next month commencing on the 1st, of course, which means TWO ODD DAYS IN A ROW, imagine the injustice of it all!). Maybe I should just revert to my god-given right to dictate all things.
Kelly,
If you click the Paper Trail link above it will show you my archives. Thanks for visiting!
I LOVE IT! I have three or would fight over if they are going to fight or not! This summer it was at an all time high! I can't wait to discuss with Husband! Thanks!
With our children, there ends up being one seat open in the van. That has become the middle seat and we now use it as currency. It is a priveledge to sit in the middle seat and you have to earn it. Sometimes you have to be very creative with children in a small enclosed space!
We have assigned seats here too.
If things are changed, because friends are here or so, I have the final word.
About the smacking in the hall.
One of my sons did the same.
I so hated it that I called them together.
Asked the girls if they liked it.
"No ofcourse not!"
Asked the boy why he did it.
"Dunno."
Then told the boy he had the responsibility to stop smacking them.
And told the girls they had the responsibility of reporting it to me and of self defense and taught them a couple of ways of dealing with it.
He's never done it again.
I feel for your son doing dishes.. every day... that was my job too. The only difference is that my brother didn't have any chores!
great tip. when my kids get older, i know i'll need it!
LOL, I forgot other families don't do assigned seating! I've always done that, it's just easier. It's especially helpful when taking a lot of little ones to church. When I was a teacher and we had daily Mass, I had responsibility for 14 children. I always arranged the children in a pattern: me in the middle, the two most "restless" children beside me, the next two most restless on either side of them, and so on. The two children on either end were the quietest and most trustworthy. Another method would be to alternate the children so that a rowdier child is in between two quieter children.
As for the smacking...well, our kids do it too, but I'm trying to nip it in the bud young. We really try to reinforce to them that we don't hit anyone, but especially not our own siblings. It is treated as something shocking and sad to see. So they are actually very loving towards each other. When they do hit it is usually for a reason, not for fun (someone took a toy, etc.). I try to teach them how to handle the situation in a way that doesn't involve being rude or mean. Seems to be working so far, for us.
...oh, I also should mention, we don't let the girls get away with stuff just because they are girls. I know relatives who tell their boys that they should never hit girls...so the girls would hit the boys, then run crying to the parents when the boys chased after them, and the boys would be spanked. Not cool! We have the same rules and enforce them the same for the boys and girls.
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