Are You Ready for an Update?

I am now 15 weeks along in this pregnancy. 15 Heavenly weeks. Heavenly because they are 15 weeks that are now behind me instead of ahead of me.

If you remember my last update I was feeling pretty horrible. I'm still feeling horrible but not every day. In fact my last bad day was Monday so this has been a great week. Now when Persistence tells everyone who asks, "She lays in bed and bawls all day," it's not exactly true. At least not this week.

As long as I take the nausea pills and the pills for the side effects those give me and the pills for the side effect pill's side effects, then I'm only slightly sick. It's more of a car sick feeling instead of a dying from the flu feeling. In fact I'm doing so much better that I've tucked my kids in bed for two nights in a row now. I even made dinner last night for the first time in over two months. We ate tomato soup out of a can but I made homemade bread to eat with it and it was much tastier than the frozen food we usually eat.

My kids are happy for me in a sad kind of way. Happy that I'm feeling better and can now put the two year old to bed but sad that I can now keep a better eye on their activities. Plus we've been spending many hours a day cleaning the house to make up for the months of minimal cleaning that the kids did. They were fabulous, don't get me wrong, but they just don't see dirt the way I see dirt.

I'm dreaming about all the meals I'm going to cook and all the organizing I'm going to do now that I'm feeling better but I'm actually missing those months of laying on the couch letting the world pass me by and not caring in the least about any of it. I'm not missing the sick part, just the not caring part. It was actually nice to check out of life for a little while.

I suppose I could still continue on like that if I wanted to. I could live like I didn't care that I only had the strength to make the kids and I shower once a week. I could live like I didn't care when Lovely throws cat food all over the floor and I could let it stay there for weeks at a time while everyone stepped in it and tracked it all over the house. I could live like I didn't care that most nights my two year old was brushing her own teeth and putting herself to bed. I could just live my life from the couch and read my books and let my seven year old do all the cooking have my kids fend for themselves.

But I don't think I will. I want my old life back where I fought every day with Persistence to do her hair and I was trying to teach Victor how to pick out matching clothes in spite of the fact that he's homeschooled. I know that most days I care too much about the little things that don't matter but if I don't care about the toilets getting scrubbed who will? And what is life all about if it's not clean toilets and matching clothes and combed hair?

If I didn't have all those things to care about then I wouldn't have my family and I really do care a lot about them.