What It's Like Being 38 Weeks Pregnant

• You're sleeping on the couch now because the bed is too hard and painful.


• Except that you sneak back in bed at 7:00 in the morning so you can hide from the kids when they get up.


• Because as painful as the bed is you still can't get out of it before 10:00 a.m.


• Except to get up to go to the bathroom 27 times.



• You stop going to the gym because you are lazy and you are starting to scare people.


• Your big stomach itches no matter how much lotion you put on it.


• Although your other babies have come a week late you dream that THIS baby will be different. It will be born two weeks early because it loves you and wants you to be happy.


• You hate anyone you know who has already had their baby.


• In the nicest way possible of course.


• You feel sorry for anyone you know who isn't as far along as you are.


• You want to tell your daughters not to ever let this happen to them.


• But you don't want to scar them for life so you tell your son instead.


• He promises he won't.


• You don't feel like doing anything except having a baby.


• Sitting around thinking about having a baby is driving you crazy.



• So you go outside and watch the chickens scratch around for three hours instead.


• While you're out there you discover that roosters have sex about 20 times an hour.


• You're happy you're not a hen.


• You're happy for your hens that there are 15 of them and only one rooster.


• You're even happier when your husband finally gets rid of the rooster two days later.


• Now you can spend hours watching the hens scratch in the dirt and peck at each other in peace.



• When you get tired of watching the chickens you drag yourself to the bathroom to take a bath with your three year old for two hours.


• Three year olds are fun to have baths with.


• They don't point and make fun of your body.


• They help you wash your hair.


• They are more than happy to get in and out of the tub multiple times to bring you things.


• They know how to keep secrets.


• Like about what happened to the rooster.


• Until their brother or sister asks them of course.


• Being 38 weeks pregnant is pretty miserable.


• But you are still counting your blessings.


• You aren't throwing up several times a day.


• You can complain to your friends so much that they start bringing you yummy dinners so you don't have to cook.


• You haven't had any other complications and the baby looks big (although not big enough) and healthy.


• You're not on bed rest so you can take your kids to the park so they can run around while you sit and do more of the nothing that you were getting done at home.


• In fact you can drive your kids to multiple parks all in one day.


• Then on your way home you can stop at one more park just for good measure.


• Now you're 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant.


• Didn't that go by fast?