How To Slice A Watermelon

I have been going to a cooking class that a woman is teaching in my neighborhood. This woman is amazing. Not only is she the epitome of organization, she knows everything about cooking. Everything I didn't even know I didn't know.

She is like a one woman cooking show. She cooks a four course meal, some dishes twice for us to sample. She sends us a shopping list for the recipes she is demonstrating. We make part of the meal there and finish the rest at home. She has half of the ingredients pre-chopped, cooked or measured and ready to go. She whips up the dish, puts it in the oven and then pulls out another one that’s all finished. It’s a 2-2 ½ hour class every week and she’s doing it all for free! I LOVE HER!


Now go amaze your friends and family with your new watermelon slicing skills! (Don't tell me you already knew how to slice a watermelon this way because it will just hurt my feelings that you didn't tell me sooner.)

Of course cutting up a seeded watermelon or a papaya is a whole other story but you can use this technique with any other kind of melon; (Juan)Canary Melon Horned Melon, Kiwano Sharlyn, Cantaloupe, Melon-pear, Seedless Watermelon, Casaba, Musk Melon, Sweet Melon, Crenshaw, Net melon, Charantais, Ogen melon, Watermelon, Christmas Melon, Pepino Melon, Wax Melon, Derishi, Persian Melon, Winter Melon, Galia, Russian/Uzbek Melon, Yellow Watermelon, Honeydew, Santa Claus, and Xigua.

Did you know there were so many fun varieties of melons? I didn't.

Eating Cat Food Is A Sign Of Intelligence

Right? I mean, look how smart cats are.

Isn’t it so tender how a Mother can see even the tiniest wonderful thing about her child and blow it completely out of proportion?

Lovely and I were eating popcorn tonight when she dropped a piece on the ground. I pointed to it and said, “Pick it up.” She picked it up, handed it to me and then grabbed some more popcorn out of the bag. “Oh, how cute,” I thought! “She doesn’t want to eat a piece of dirty popcorn off the floor!”

Then I remembered back to earlier today when she was eating dirty cat food off my friend’s front porch. Ok, maybe she’s not so particular about cleanliness.

Well then. She must have thought I was asking her to give me the piece of popcorn. “Oh, how cute! She is such an obedient, thoughtful child!”

Victor and Persistence sat down tonight to play a game of chess. "How sweet,” I thought! My children are not only brilliant (they’re playing chess!) they are also incredibly kind and patient with each other.

They got the game set up. Three moves later things went terribly wrong. Victor told Persistence she couldn’t make that move. Persistence is 6. Persistence doesn’t know how to play chess. Persistence doesn’t want to listen to her brother telling her HOW to play chess. The game was pretty much over at that point.

Not all is lost. After they got ready for bed they started up the chess game again. This time all I hear are soft voices, patient reminders, and thoughtful inquiries. See I knew I had the smartest, most loving children ever born.

No, they so were NOT just getting along so they wouldn’t have to go to bed! How could you even say such a thing? Ooops. (More fighting) I spoke too soon. Time for bed.

This was our first week at Chess Club. My kids have been begging to go for a year! I really feel like I have performed my Motherly duties this week. Can I just remind you how much I hate playing chess. Yes, I know how to play the game. No, I have no idea how to PLAY the game. Nope. Don't get it. Don't want it. Hopefully Persistence will persist so Victor has someone to play against.

Persistence and her friend are learning Chess.

Victor is getted tested to see what he knows.

Can I just say how sick I am of Blogger? Why can't I upload all my photos? This happens every time I post!

If You Can't Take the Heat, Stay Out of the Salsa

Hmmm, what's that?

MMM, very tasty!
Uh oh, Hot, Hot, Hot!

(Sniffling) So. Good. Can't. Stop.

Mommy, Hot, Hot!

Apperently one year old's don't know when they've had enough. (Sound familiar?) I finally had to take the salsa away because Lovely would not stop eating it and sobbing her eyes out between every single bite.

Cool Your Noodles

Lovely gets very impatient waiting for her food to cool down enough for her to eat it. Especially her Noodles. She must have her Noodles. The one dish she will always eat. All other foods are refused but her Noodles she will never refuse. The Noodles are so delicious and desired that she becomes impatient for them. She wants them, she needs them. She must have them NOW!

Being the ever-searching, ever-experimenting Mother that I am, I have finally developed a method of getting her precious Noodles from the steaming hot pot to her lips at the perfect temperature and within seconds. She is appeased. She is content. She slurps her Noodles, careful not to leave any on her chin. The Lovely mustn’t soil her chin.

Here is my patented system:

• Use a ceramic bowl
• Add some crushed ice chips
• Chill bowl in freezer while cooking the Noodles
• Add steaming hot Noodles to chilled bowl
• Scalding turns to edible within seconds
• Slurping Lovely
• Happy Lazy

Will The Whining Ever Stop?

My new Indian name is “Lalawethika” which translated, means “She Who Complains about the Heat”.

I was talking to a friend the other day that yet again brought up the fact she has to lay by her 3 year old every night until she falls asleep. I don’t have any problem with this. My only problem is that she’s complaining about it but she doesn’t want to do anything about it. I want to make futile attempts to help her with her problem. “Try this, or that or the other.”

I finally realized this last time that she didn’t really want any input; she just wanted to complain about it. Stranger is always telling me this. “Stop trying to fix your friend’s problems. Just listen.” Ok. I get it!

My friend finally admitted that this is the only time she gets to snuggle and feel close to her daughter. I replied, “Then stop complaining about it. You’re doing it because you want to.”

Ya. I am. I should stop complaining about it.

Ya, you should.

So, Lalawethika, goes on and on to everyone within ear shot about the heat. “I have no air conditioning. It’s so hot. Waa, waa, waa.”

Well, why don’t you have air conditioning?

We just haven’t put it in yet. I thought we might not need it at all.

Well.

Ok, I’ll shut up now.

Ya, you should.

Dolphins Are So Hilarious

I was just reading something I wrote about the kids and I couldn’t stop laughing. They crack me up. Victor starts asking me what I’m laughing about.

Me – “Oh, just something I’m reading.”

Him – “What does it say.”

Me – “Oh nothing.”

Him – walking into the room to find out for himself.

Me – switching the screen as fast as I can and start reading the first thing I see. “Think like a dolphin. The dolphin is the only mammal that can swim in a sea of sharks or in a sea of carp. Dolphins are able to adapt their strategies and behaviors to their counterparts,” reading and laughing hysterically.

Him – Looking at me funny but then walking out of the room chuckling. “Who wrote that?”

Me – “Oh, I don’t know.”

Him – “You should find out who wrote that and tell him that is the funniest thing we have ever heard.”

The Flying Pest Adventure

A great friend of mine moved to Hawaii a couple years ago. She stayed over Sunday night for a visit. The whole evening was an adventure. First of all it was 85 degrees in my house.

Question #1 - How to bake apple cobbler without raising the temperature another 10 degrees.

Question #2 – How to console myself when I ruin the apple cobbler that I’ve been craving for a week.

Question #3 – How to ignore the skunk, rooster and crickets determined to interrupt our conversation.

Question #4 – How to rid the house of and defend the guests from legions of flying insects.

Friend - there are a lot of bugs in here.

Me- I know. We have so many bugs here in the country.

Friend – No really. I mean there are a lot of bugs landing on me.

Me – Come sit by me. There aren’t any bugs over here.

Later.

Friend – You have to come see this. This couch is covered with bugs!

Me – Get the vacuum!!!

I guess the girls’ opening the windows in the Sand Room was a bad idea. Defective screens ya think? They really were everywhere; all over the ceiling, covering the walls and the furniture, more trying to bust down the screens. It was like a horror movie in minature. Luckily the central vac sucked all of them up in a 30 minute jiffy. This was a fun thing to be doing at midnight. Sorry you missed it.

Question - #5 – How to recover when guest keeps me up talking till 2:00 in the morning and Lovely is up with a fever at 6:00.

“I’m not tired at all” guest replied after I suggested we go to bed. “You know it’s only 10:00 in Hawaii.” “You’ll think 10:00 when an adolescent rooster begins his crowing practice in four hours,” was my response, only in my own head of course.

Organize Your Purse

I keep a plastic garbage bag tied up tightly in my purse just in case. Yesterday when I was out, the baby’s diaper leaked onto her skirt and I was able to throw it in the bag to bring home. I was so happy to have that bag! (You can buy my Lazy Organizing Bags here.)

Here is a list of things I keep in my purse organizer. Does it look like a mess? It’s better than a mess at the bottom of my purse! Since it’s see-through I can easily find anything I need. That’s nice for lazy people like me. If it takes me 3 seconds too long to find the nail clippers I might chew my cuticles till they bleed.

• Protein bar – When hunger strikes
• Advil – When I was too lazy to eat the protein bar and I got too hungry and now I have a headache.
• Plastic shopping bag – Bib, messy diaper bag, muddy shoe bag and various other repulsive things bag.
• Measuring tape – For when I’m in a stranger’s home and I compulsively start measuring her kitchen so I can once and for all order my kitchen island.
• Pocket Knife – For everything but self defense.
• Allergy pills – Yeesh! You have a couple pills in your purse and people start to think you’re a drug addict!
• Spare keys – For our house which we NEVER lock. We don’t live in a house locking kind of neighborhood. For Stranger’s truck. I don’t know what happened to my spare key but apparently I can only get a new one at the dealer.
• Pen – You should pretty much know what pens are for.
• Nail Clippers – Fending off the nervous, not nail, but cuticle biting. This isn't the strangest thing I do.
• Body Mist – Stinky sweaty gym Mom
• Band-Aids – More for the tears than for actual wounds.
• Chap stick – Arid Utah winters
• Comb and Hair elastics for the girls – Critical for that “let’s not look like home-schoolers in Mart-Mart today” objective.
• Dental Floss - I’ve never used it but I can’t part with it because you just never know when you’re going to have a flossing emergency.

THIS I Am Not Happy About

One of our three hens is defective. It crows. See the black and white chicken? That is the guilty party. We did not purchase a crowing model of chicken so I don’t know how this could have happened. I am not a country girl at heart. At least not yet. I am not ready for animals that crow all day and night and interrupt my peace and quiet. LOUD crickets that set up camp right under my window are bad enough. Happy little hens that scratch around the yard eating bugs all day and then quietly roost in their cage at night, without waking anyone up, are the perfect pets. Especially when they are old enough to start demonstrating their pleasure by giving us eggs. It'll be about time I get things around here that earn their keep.

Noisy, aggressive little roosters with a bad attitude that wake my baby up too early every morning and don't do anything useful just might have to get “lost” before the kids get home from vacation. My sister informed me last night of how to do this in a humane way. She has chickens too. In fact we stayed up till midnight talking about chickens. Her 12 year old will be so relieved that we have something else to talk about besides working out. Who, by the way, has started running with her Mother every night. I think we may have a new convert in the family. These kinds of obsessions must start early.

I have figured out what my hang up is about owning a dog. I always felt sorry for our dogs growing up. I thought they were neglected because we didn’t play with them enough. Their big eyes and happy tails get so sad when you walk by them without any show of love. I tried to love them but they really needed more love than I could give.

Chickens don’t need love. In fact they run away if you try to offer it. “Oh no, someone is looking at us. Run away! Run away! Yes, run right into our cage. They’ll never catch us there!” Their eyes do not ever look sad. I am content to imagine that they are happy with a water dish to poop in and a giant weed for shade. What more could they ask for?

Robbins Roost In Alaska

I have spent the last two days making a blogspot for my parents who have been on a mission since January. I added all the e-mails and photos they’ve sent so far and it looks great. My Dad is an awesome, photographer so check it out if you want to see some amazing photos of Alaska!

Lara Needs

I did my search for “Lara needs” and here are the results:

• Lara needs to use stealth just as much as she does combat maneuvers and jumps (I do need to work on this. I can’t even close my baby’s window at night without waking her up. It took her an hour to talk herself back to sleep.)
• Lara needs new breasts! (I think my husband agrees with this)
• Tough Girl Lara Needs Armed Bodyguards (If I’m so tough, why the body guards?)
• Lara needs to get a life. Lara needs to practice her trumpet now that her lips have decided to calm down. Lara is depressed. (I do need a life but I don’t know why my trumpet playing is making me so depressed.)
• Lara needs to be reprimanded (For so many reasons)
• Lara needs an archenemy to fight against (Can’t we just all get along?)
• Lara needs to interact with her environment to solve a puzzle (Does this mean I have to get off the internet?)
• Lara needs a lot more than a decent story if her games are going to find acceptance (It sounds like people aren’t buying my lies anymore.)
• Lara needs no lessons on tact or diplomacy from anyone (That’s right!)
• I think Lara needs a few days to cry at home (I’ve been doing that all week. What I need is to get to the gym!)
• Lara needs to move boxes from one side of a giant balance to the other (Are they talking about my garage here?)

In Case Anyone Was Wondering If I’ve Been Watering My Plants Lately

Don't you think Persistence's fairy garden should have mushrooms?

Dear Stranger,

Loving husband that you are, I’m sure you won’t mind calling Fidelity Investments and asking them to send us a check for $2.01. I know you don’t have a lot of fun in life because you are so busy working hard for the family. I know that getting a letter in the mail each month from FI stating that we have $2.01 invested with their company gives you a great amount of joy. How you love to see big companies waste their money on this kind of nonsense. You really feel like you’re getting your money’s worth. But really, it’s been how many years now and maybe hundreds of dollars in their wasted postage to inform us of said investment?

I just thought that since you no longer reside here and I don’t receive as much enjoyment opening these fun letters without you, you might call them and put an end to all the merriment. Just think of all the pleasure we’ll get from planning how to spend all the money; 4 tasty Artic Circle swirl ice cream cones, 2 skating passes at the Fun Center, dinner for the kids at their favorite fine restaurant, Taco Time.

While you’re at it could you also give Track Data a call and have them send a check for $5.49. We’re just not the big investors that we used to be and we could really use that extra cash to pay off our mortgage. Oh ya, and the $20,000 in spare change that the IRS owes us from the last two years of taxes would be nice too. Could you maybe drop them a line? Thanks.

Your loving wife,
Lazy, who doesn’t want to open and file any more of these entertaining letters.

No I Won’t Stop. I’ll Never Stop.

This is just about the sweetest little dress I have ever seen. I want one exactly like it for myself. But the best thing about this dress is the great deal I got.

$19.50 Regular Price
$10.99 Sale Price
$6.99 Rang Up As
$5.59 With promotional 20% discount

More than 70% off. Not bad for a days work. Definitely worth the 4 hours and $40 in gas I spent looking for this great deal. Besides. It’s so cute! The cutest $45.59 dress I have ever bought for a 1 year old. It's a sickness really. Something I caught from my husband. He taught me everything I know about wasting money to get a good deal.

Things I Organized Last Week

• I designed the closets for the kid’s rooms. Stranger has informed me that I will be building them. Myself. All by myself. While I’m taking care of three kids. I can’t wait to get started.
• I made my Recipe Ingredient List.
• I finished cleaning off the computer desk but now it’s messy again.
• I went through boxes of old paperwork that had piled up while we were homeless and I filed it all.
• I went through several boxes of baby and kids clothes.
• I scrubbed and vacuumed the inside of the van. You can’t tell from the outside that the inside is so clean. You might be able to look in the windows and see that it’s clean in there if it weren’t for all the dead bugs and dirt. I’m seriously thinking about washing the van some time soon. Very soon. Yesterday in fact. I stopped to have a cheerleader fund raiser wash it but after I sat there for a moment and watched a dozen girls standing around doing nothing while we all waited, I decided I liked my van better dirty. Dirty, it could take me on all the errands I wanted to run. Clean would have taken all day and left no time for errands.
• I found my other sewing machine, yay! It was right where I left it.
• I put the borders on Lovely’s birthday quilt. Yes, this is last year’s quilt we’re talking about.

Special Sunday

Lovely and I went to Church all by our selves today. She was so, so good and easy today. She has made a friend. She looks for this woman and will sit on her lap through parts of the meetings. It is such a great help to me. Any moment that I can actually listen to the speakers is wonderful.

I have also figured out that it’s just best to sit in the hall during Sacrament meeting. Lovely can walk around and torment the younger babies that are out there too. She will let all of them look at all her toys. Not touch them, just look at them. That is her special way of sharing. Another special way she likes to share is to borrow their toys and never give them back. Isn’t she so special?

All this special-ness made me want to take her picture when we got home. Does she look a little lost? I imagine she’s thinking deep thoughts like, “It’s a good thing I have my thumb to suck on because I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to be doing out here.”

Organize Your Grocery Shopping

Lazy Meal Planner– Make a list of all your favorite recipes and their ingredients and keep it in your planner. Now you can make a meal plan and shopping list in your free time at work, in the car or even while you’re at the store. You’ll never again forget an essential ingredient for dinner.

This is something I read about 6 years ago when I first started getting organized but I never thought I needed to do it. After 6 years of forgetting things when I’m at the store I decided I did need it. It was really a very simple project because I already have all my recipes on the computer so I just printed out the Title and Ingredients list for all of them. I used a very small font so they fit on 2 pieces of paper. I keep this list in my car and I take it into the grocery store with me whenever I shop. Oh how I wish I had done this sooner!

I have tried and tried and failed at sticking with some kind of a meal plan. What I have discovered is that I just want to make my meal plan while I’m shopping. What looks good and what’s on sale, these are the things that help me decide what to make. Is there anything wrong with that? No. Does it mean I’m not organized? No. It just means I do what I like and what works for me.

There I go. Lying again. Maybe it means I’m a LITTLE bit unorganized and I like it that way. In my next life I will make meal plans and stick to them.

Chicken Tacos

The Stuff
Shredded Chicken Breast
Chopped Cilantro
Chopped Purple Onion (the flat onions are sweet)
Chopped Radish
Fresh Lime Juice
Corn Tortilla (Spray both sides with Pam and warm in a skillet)

Put all the Stuff together and eat it! It tastes really great when you're not sick and taste bud challenged.

Do only lonely weirdos take pictures of their food and post it on the internet?

Liars and Junkfood

Here’s what I want to know. Does anyone in America, that can afford junk food, subsist on purely healthy, whole foods? Is that even possible? When I read and hear that we’re supposed to eat 6 small meals a day I have to laugh. What Mother of small children has time to cook and clean up 6 meals a day! Even if I didn’t have kids, which I don’t this week except for one small baby child, I still wouldn’t want to take time out of my day for 6 meals. In fact, I just came home from the grocery store with frozen pizza and pot pie so I wouldn’t have to cook for myself every day. Cooking for yourself is just sad.

I think eating healthy sounds great but there just isn’t enough excitement in whole foods to make me want to eat them. I think I’d rather starve than sit down to a meal of dry chicken breast and veggies. Which is what I'd be doing anyway even if I ate the boring meal. I would feel full after eating it but then I'd be hungry again 2 hours later. Hence, eating 6 meals a day. It takes some fat in my food to get me from one meal to the next.

I’ve been thinking today about getting happy with my fatness. I’ve been pretty content these last couple years but lately I’ve been tired of being fat. That’s all behind me now. Life is too short to worry about things like clothes, looking good, eating right. I mean really. Aside from my run this morning making me ill for the rest of the day, it cut into my blog, nap, read time. Seriously, I’m too busy reading and napping to really care if I look good in a swimsuit.

Do you see what a big liar I am? There isn't a woman alive who doesn't care what she looks like in a swimsuit. I'll keep lying to myself though to see if it works.

Ok, the truth is, I have Lovely’s cold and I’m just plain feeling like crap today. Food doesn’t taste good and I have a headache that my nap didn’t get rid of. I ventured out in the heat and it about did me in. Love’s back in bed so now I’m going to relax on the couch and design a closet or two while I think about what kind of junk food I can conjure up after my way too healthy dinner of chicken tacos.

A Good Excuse To Clean The House

People think I’m lying when I tell them how much my kids and I cook together. I don’t blame them. I would think they were lying if they told me the same thing. Only a Saint would have the patience to cook with kids. Since I’m not a Saint I must be doing it to make up for all the rest of my bad Mothering.

Cooking with kids is impressive but somehow, when my kids whisper into someone’s ear, “Our Mom makes us wash ALL the dishes,” that sounds more like child abuse. I don’t know why. It takes the same amount of patience to teach children to clean as it does teaching them how to cook. Why don’t I get credit for that?

It’s a big fat lie by the way. My children do nothing close to washing all the dishes. I wash all the big things and every single dish they wash has already been scrubbed by ME and put in the wash tub for them to swish some bubbles around on it. How else could a 6 year old get the dishes clean? She couldn’t. Just ask my sister. She couldn’t figure out why every dish Persistence washed still had food stuck to it.

Lovely insists on helping with the dishes. Every. Single. Day. We wash and she rinses with her little scrub brush. Can you see the look on her face saying, “Can you please not bother me when I have such grown up work to do?”

The big kids are off on a road trip with the Gallagher for a week so Lovely and I are celebrating by cleaning house. That’s the first thing I do whenever the kids have been gone for an extended time. That way I get to have a clean house with my peace and quiet. Next I think I’ll take a nap. Anything to put off the real work I need to do. Like bricking the fireplace, painting the house, pouring the cement. No. I don’t really do all those things but I have to find someone to do it and that is a lot of work!

No wonder I can't make it to Church on time.

I spent 45 minutes curling Persistence’s hair for Church on Sunday. I’ve been threatening to do it for weeks but she always refuses. I bribed her with a pedicure this time and she fell for it. For such a prissy girl, she sure hates having her hair done. Wimp.

Victor got a pedicure too but I wouldn’t curl his hair. I did cut it though which he loves. I can tell by all his encouraging words while I’m patiently working. First of all I have to drag him to the stool after he runs and hides from seeing me get out the hair cutting equipment. Another wimp.

Him - Can’t we just go to the barber where they know what they’re doing?

Me – You don’t have enough money to pay for a barber and I know what I'm doing.

Him – No you don't and yes I do have enough money. I have over 500 dollars in the bank. I’d use all of it too. It would be worth it.

Me – Forget it, now hold still.

Him – I am holding still. You know, you’re just going to have to pay someone to fix my hair anyway, after you ruin it.

Me – I’m not going to ruin it this time. Holding still doesn’t mean moving every body part except your head. When you thrash around like that, your head also moves.

Him – Well my nose itches! You will too ruin it. You ruin it every time.

Me- You can itch it when I’m done! Now hold still and be quiet or I won’t have it fixed and you’ll just walk around looking like a dork. Not that I’m going to ruin it, because I’m not.

Him – Yes you will. Are you done yet?

Me – No. I just started.

Him – Ow! Are you trying to cut my ear off?

Me – That’s what you get for wiggling your big toe, see? It made your head move. If you do it again I just might cut your whole ear off and it may or may not be an accident.

This is the point where he tries to run away again so I have to give him the death grip and make even bigger threats. I don’t care that I’ve been trying to cut his hair since he was 1. One of these days, if he would hold still long enough, I would figure out how to do it. It’s not my fault he has the straightest hair that shows every tiny flaw.

Surprise, surprise, today is the day and it didn't even take 2 hours and three different tries. His hair is perfect without any bald patches or uneven spots. Not that you can tell from the photo. That’s the gel, not my hair cutting abilities. Now, just wait till I get my clippers on Stranger. He’s lucky he’s 27 hours away!

It appears in the photo that my children really love each other. What fakers. They took two lovely minutes out from trying to kill me with their taunting each other and screaming and running around, to pose for the camera. I need some kind of straight jackets to put on them after they are ready for Church so they won’t destroy all my hard work before we even get out of the house.

Adorable Missionaries

Lovely has less than two more months until she is old enough to go to the nursery at Church. I can’t wait! I’m so sick of trying to entertain her for two hours while she is busily entertaining everyone else in class with her cute antics and not so cute screaming. She is a big distraction to everyone, even the teachers! We’re just going to suffer these next few weeks until she’s 18 months old.

I have to tell you though, about the missionaries in Sacrament Meeting. After one of them spoke, they both stood up together to sing a song. I started bawling before the piano even started! They looked so handsome standing up there preaching the gospel, I just wanted to pinch their cheeks and take them home with me. I can do that now. Cheek pinching totally belongs to old women who cry in Sacrament meetings. Call me Ma’am in public though and I’ll pinch your head off. Anyway…once they started the song there was no end to the tears. They sang “We’ll Bring the World His Truth” (We are as the armies of Helaman). It was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. I didn’t look around but I’m pretty sure I was the only sniffler in the whole room. What is my problem!

I think that is my new favorite song. As we walked by the temple after General Conference last April, a group of Elders were lining the sidewalk singing that song as we passed down the middle. I have never felt the spirit so strongly. I didn’t want to leave but the crowd pushed us on.

We are as the army of Helaman.
We have been taught in our youth.
And we will be the Lord's missionaries
to bring the world His truth.

I can’t wait till Grey is old enough to be a missionary. By the way, does anyone out there want to hear the gospel? I need to do my part here to bring the world His truth. If you ever get any missionaries at your door, just let them in would you? How could you not? They are so adorable!

Say Goodbye To Stranger

Stranger left tonight. We were all sad. Especially persistence who got slapped in the face moments before the big departure and couldn’t forgive her Dad or stop crying long enough to say goodbye. Persistence has been punching her Dad all day so he finally decided to trick her and slap her face (softly) after she punched him. He did the same thing to Victor but in her efforts to escape the slap she ducked her head right into it and got it a lot harder than she would have. I don’t think we need to call the authorities. I couldn’t actually see his hand print on her cheek. The whole incident made for a very memorable going away.

For those of you who need more information, Stranger is going to Bloomington, the Southeastern part of Texas. He thought it wasn’t hot enough here so he’s going there to really soak it up. The RR is paying him a bonus every two weeks, plus room and board at a Hotel. He could be there one month or one year. They also pay for him to fly home for 4 days once a month. I just found out today though that after 30 days he can come home any time if he gets sick of it. Let's take bets of whether he gets sick of the heat or the money first.

The Lazy Exerciser

You know you are a lazy exerciser when, after your workout, you think to yourself, “Do I really have to shower tonight? I’m just going to be getting sweaty again in the morning anyway. In fact, if I sleep in these dirty, stinky clothes, then I’m already dressed for my morning workout.

Of course I showered! I just said I thought about skipping it. Washing sweaty sheets tomorrow would be WAY more work than just showering tonight. No, I mean, I would never do anything that gross!

Organize Your Watering

I discovered the BEST free watering can for my indoor plants. A liquid laundry detergent jug! I am so sick of the water spilling all over my furniture. When I used the last of the detergent tonight I thought about how fabulous its drip proof design was and then I thought of my plant watering dilemma. It works so great!

I feel so lazy in this heat. I mean, lazier than usual! I had to force myself to run two miles on the treadmill tonight after a very light weight workout. I’m going to start including a weather report with my blog so I can remember what a miserable July we had. Today we hit a high of 78 indoors.

Have I mentioned that we don’t have an air conditioner? We were supposed to get one but the house doesn’t get very hot with the cool evenings here so we haven’t had one installed yet. We think we are being very money and energy savvy but we may just be a couple of idiots when two weeks from now it’s so hot that we can’t stand it another minute and we pay double to have an air conditioner installed. No, that’s not going to happen. We’ve already made it through the first week of the hottest month of the year. That’s what the 47 ceiling fans are for. We can make it three more weeks!

How Productive I've Been Tonight

Ok, I think the computer is Satan’s tool. It makes me waste my time staying up too late and it makes me fat. Yes. The fat molecules jump right off the computer screen onto my big fat butt. Or is that “off the ice cream spoon, into my mouth and then onto my big fat butt”?

What ice cream? I don’t see any ice cream. Oh yea. I already ate all of it! I think there are a couple more gallons in the freezer but I’m going to go to bed before I eat myself into a sugar comma.

All I can say is, if I have to be a sugar addict, it's a good thing I'm also an exercise addict. I wish I was more of a "I don't eat sugar so I can be nice to my kids" kind of addict but addictions aren't really something we shop around for. They mostly just like to hit us over the head, leaving us unconscious or wishing we were when we make an 8 year old cry because he made us mad. Where has all the patience gone! Is there a 12 step program for my kind of problem?

World's Longest Headache

It’s official. My husband is leaving me for another state. There goes all my project ideas. He’s going to Texas to work for a few months to make some extra money. For some reason he thinks we could use it to pay for this new house that we built and can’t afford. I wouldn’t be very excited about the whole idea except that I want to go out with the kids and stay with him for a month to see what we can see. We never travel so it’s a good excuse to go somewhere practically for free. The RR will pay for us to drive out there, we have a free hotel room and we just pay for food and activities.

This goes right along with my new idea for home-schooling. Stranger gets four weeks of paid vacation every year. I think we should start using them to travel instead of wasting them on Thanksgiving, Christmas and silly little holidays like that. I figure while the kids are young we’ll go somewhere “local” every year. We’ll rent a house on the Oregon coast for a month one year, we’ll live on a sailboat in Mexico another year. When the kids are teenagers we can travel overseas; Italy one year, Greece the next. We can spend the year learning and researching before we go.

I just don’t think a couple days here and a week there is the way to experience a different culture. A month doesn’t do it either but it’s a start. With a month I wouldn’t feel like I had to see every thing all at once. We could really slow down and enjoy ourselves.

Stranger is thinking Hawaii for next year. He went every year as a child and he really wants to take the kids. It would be fun to go to Alaska while Grandma and Grandpa are there but they’re working so hard on their mission, we would just be a distraction.

Stranger loves to travel but I don’t. You know, the whole home-body thing. I would do it for my kids though. They have had so much fun when we have been forced to travel in the past and they are so appreciative. I really can’t wait to take them to Texas. Especially the 27 hour drive. It’s going to be so much fun driving it all by myself with two kids trying to kill each other in the back seats and one baby blowing my eardrums out with her impatient screams. Maybe if there were garages sales all along the way… One year I think we should leave Stranger home and the kids and I do the world’s longest yard sale.

Things I Organized Last Week

• I went through all our financial files and put them into new folders with new labels. I’m too cheap to buy the $40 boxes of printable labels so I make my own format for the cheap little boxes of sticky labels. This time however I found that they make those to go through your printer now too and you can get the layout on Avery’s website. Oh how I love being cheap.
• I made an attempt to clean off the computer table. It was a very poor effort but it was an effort none the less.
• I spent an hour lecturing Stranger about helping me with projects around the house during the 45 seconds that he’s home and not playing with the kids. It’s a good thing he likes his kids. They get him out of a lot of work around here. Ever since the lecture he’s been a project maniac. #1 We cleaned and hauled my 3,000 pound industrial serger into my sewing room. I haven’t used it yet but I’m thinking about it REAL hard. I definitely will as soon as I can find my sewing machine that is sitting right next to it. #2 Stranger installed the shelves for my bathroom cabinets making them oh, so much more useful than when they were piled at the bottom of the cabinet. #3 He installed the door knob on the hall closet. Lovely is so sad now that she can’t get in there to play with strips of nail gun nails, tasty little screws and cans of floor stain. #4 Stranger attempted to balance one of our ceiling fans (one of MANY) before the rhythm got us, tonight. Unfortunately it’s pretty near impossible to balance a ceiling fan with one warped blade. Have to work on that one later. #5 Stranger actually asked me what I wanted him to do next time he was home. If we weren’t already married I would want to run away and marry this man! Kind of like when we had been married for a month and we finally got my wedding ring and I tried to get him to propose to me with it. He didn’t think that was very entertaining but I think watching a big strong husband install door knobs is VERY entertaining. Hopefully I’ll be doing that some time this week near the vicinity of the guest room and the garage door.
• I moved a small comfy couch into my master bedroom. I just can’t get enough of that room now. Did I ever mention that we slept on the hard floor for the first month we lived here and since then it’s been box springs? No, I’m not kidding. I have severe back problems from our sagging, over-expensive, king sized bed and we were just to distraught to think about buying a new bed at this time of our existence so I took the top mattress off. Having boards running down my back is