One Very Ambitious Chicken

What It's Like Being 38 Weeks Pregnant

• You're sleeping on the couch now because the bed is too hard and painful.


• Except that you sneak back in bed at 7:00 in the morning so you can hide from the kids when they get up.


• Because as painful as the bed is you still can't get out of it before 10:00 a.m.


• Except to get up to go to the bathroom 27 times.



• You stop going to the gym because you are lazy and you are starting to scare people.


• Your big stomach itches no matter how much lotion you put on it.


• Although your other babies have come a week late you dream that THIS baby will be different. It will be born two weeks early because it loves you and wants you to be happy.


• You hate anyone you know who has already had their baby.


• In the nicest way possible of course.


• You feel sorry for anyone you know who isn't as far along as you are.


• You want to tell your daughters not to ever let this happen to them.


• But you don't want to scar them for life so you tell your son instead.


• He promises he won't.


• You don't feel like doing anything except having a baby.


• Sitting around thinking about having a baby is driving you crazy.



• So you go outside and watch the chickens scratch around for three hours instead.


• While you're out there you discover that roosters have sex about 20 times an hour.


• You're happy you're not a hen.


• You're happy for your hens that there are 15 of them and only one rooster.


• You're even happier when your husband finally gets rid of the rooster two days later.


• Now you can spend hours watching the hens scratch in the dirt and peck at each other in peace.



• When you get tired of watching the chickens you drag yourself to the bathroom to take a bath with your three year old for two hours.


• Three year olds are fun to have baths with.


• They don't point and make fun of your body.


• They help you wash your hair.


• They are more than happy to get in and out of the tub multiple times to bring you things.


• They know how to keep secrets.


• Like about what happened to the rooster.


• Until their brother or sister asks them of course.


• Being 38 weeks pregnant is pretty miserable.


• But you are still counting your blessings.


• You aren't throwing up several times a day.


• You can complain to your friends so much that they start bringing you yummy dinners so you don't have to cook.


• You haven't had any other complications and the baby looks big (although not big enough) and healthy.


• You're not on bed rest so you can take your kids to the park so they can run around while you sit and do more of the nothing that you were getting done at home.


• In fact you can drive your kids to multiple parks all in one day.


• Then on your way home you can stop at one more park just for good measure.


• Now you're 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant.


• Didn't that go by fast?

The Big Candy Wagon

Do you have entrepreneurial kids? Everything my kids make or do they want to turn into a business. They want to sell their drawings, their old toys, and their toenail clippings. Weeks ago they were into painting rocks. They painted dozens of them so they could sell them because there is a big market for painted rocks around here. We wish. It probably doesn't help that we sit around for family nights and talk about new businesses we're going to start. I guess we're just an entrepreneurial family.

My kids' first and most successful business was The Big Candy Wagon. It all started several years ago when I had a garage sale and made a pan of brownies for the kids to sell. They were hooked. They wanted to sell brownies on the street every day after that but I wouldn't let them. For one thing I wasn't interested in baking brownies every day and I also hated it when kids were camped on the road waving people down to buy Cool-Aide. Some people are so nice that they stop and buy it but I'm not one of those people. I want to yell at them, "Get out of the street! And while you're at it get a real job! No one wants your disgusting grape Cool Aide!"

Actually the reason it made me mad was because we lived in a neighborhood with lots of young families and my kids were constantly coming in begging for money to buy watered down sugar water from some kid or another. I was sick of it but I got my revenge.

I decided that if the kids were going to become little street vendors they were going to sell something people really wanted. Junk food. We took a trip to Sam's Club and loaded up on candy and soda. The kids set up shop in a big wagon with an umbrella and enough artificial colors and flavorings for an entire neighborhood full of hyperactive children. The customers came running.

All the kids had to do was have their Big Candy Wagon set up as the kids streamed off the school bus, which just happened to stop right in front of our house, and they made a killing. Kids either stopped right away to spend their pocket change or they ran home to find some cash. I'm sure most of the parents hated us but there were other parents who would stop their Mom Mobiles to buy every child in their haul a soda and candy bar. We loved those Mom mobiles!

In an hour and a half the kids could make $20-$30! Pretty soon I was even buying candy wholesale but sadly I had to shut them down. They refused to stop eating the inventory. I don't know what I was thinking. They were going to sell candy and not eat it? I tried everything I could think of to ration it but nothing worked. I also got tired of the neighbor kids breaking into our garage to steal candy. It guess it just wasn't meant to be.

My kids still talk about that business. They're mad that we moved out to the country with no busy subdivisions full of greedy kids with pockets full of money. Now they're stuck selling chicken eggs for a few bucks but all the money goes back into buying chicken food. It's not a very glamorous way for a ten and eight year old to make a living.

Little do they know, in a few years when they're older they will be able to make a fortune moving sprinkler pipe, milking cows and slaughtering mink. Country kids get the best jobs.

Mom's Mission Impossible

Here's the update on our project list. Stranger has been working on the chicken coop for the last couple of days and estimates it will only take about one more year to get it finished. He and a friend built the floor and walls at the friends house and now he has it hauled up to our house and he's putting it together.

This is what happens when you ask your husband to build a little chicken coop.

Goodbye Clampett Chicken Ranch

Hello Chicken Palace

start the flowers from seed next spring. Go ahead and ask me where the grass is? There isn't any! I may be fooling myself that this yard is going to be easier to take care of than a lawn but at least it's work I enjoy. I do not enjoy mowing and trimming grass. I do know that it will take a lot less water and electricity once it's established so don't argue with me about that.

• August 07

Build chicken coop Oct. 07
Install house numbers
Design and order Island for kitchen Aug. 07
Buy storage shelves for basement
Clean out garage
Order planting design Aug. 07



• September 07
  Install garage sink faucet Sept. 07
  Design pantry cabinets Sept. 07
  Buy cabinets for pantry January 08
  Order bathroom mirrors-the carpenter will work on them as soon as he's done with my island I suppose.
  Shower curtain rod for girl’s bathroom - we have the parts, now we just need to get busy
  Install two curtain rods in Master bath
  Sew curtains for master bath
  Asphalt Driveway-with a $15,000 price tag this is not happening any time soon
  Cement sidewalk and steps Sept. 07 - I still can't believe this is finished!
  Buy trees and shrubs - didn't happen this year
  
  
• October 07 - Nope, none of it happened!
  Install pantry cabinets March 08
  Paint the girl's bunkbed
  Plant trees and shrubs
  Find someone to put the finished touches on our foundation cement (I guess I'd better figure out what that's called first.)
  Order studio window



• November 07 - Nope, Nope, Nope
  Sand and paint shutters in master bedroom
  Install trim and paint bathtub skirt
  Paint and install bathroom mirrors
  Paint kitchen island
  Order railing for the basment stairs



• December07
  Install new studio window
  Install hood cover
  Start decorating girl's room Dec. 07 - Wow, I actually did this one!



• January 08
  Purchase and install studio cabinets



• February 08
  Build, paint, install shutters for the rest of the windows
  


• March 08
  Install brick floor in sunroom
  Choose sunroom paint or stain color



• April 08
  Paint sunroom
  Design sprinkling system
  Start perennial seeds
  Install clothesline outside



• May 08
  Install sprinkling system



• June 08
  Install steps to the side doors
  Install sidewalks and patios on the side and back of the house



• July 08
  Plant perennials
  Finish girl’s closet



• August 08
  Brick fireplace
  Install stove



• September 08
  Design and build front door storage space in the corner



• October 08
  Design and build front door storage space on the wall



• November 08
  Design and build master closet

Life is Moving Too Fast

I'm afraid I will never catch up. We did get our cement poured last week and it's lovely.

We're now the talk of the town. I can just imagine what everyone is saying, "Can you believe they finally have sidewalks at that house?"

"I know. I thought it was abandoned but I guess people really live there!"

Come on people! You can tell from the fuzzy sheep blanket hanging in the window that someone lives here. And these aren't wild chickens running around don't you know.

I would show after photos of the cement but the chickens pooped all over it as soon as we let them out of their cages. That kind of thing doesn't make pretty photos.

Remember how I was worried about chicken tracks in our cement? Did I happen to mention the cats?

The workers fixed the cat tracks but we decided to leave the sweet little troublemaker's hand prints.

We ended up with a chicken print after all.

Can you guess who the little foot print belongs to?

What I've Been Crying About for Two Years

This is a before picture of my front yard. The chickens like the weeds but I don't so much.

This makes me very happy. Goodbye weeds.

This makes me even happier. Hello steps! Remember that dinner party I was going to invite you to? Soon you will be able to make it to my front door without forging a path. I've never seen a more beautiful beginning for a side walk have you? Maybe you have to have lived in a mud hole for two years to appreciate it.

This is our back yard where we are pouring an RV pad. I'm not sure why we're doing this because we don't own an RV and we never will. It's difficult to tell from the photo how confused the chickens are. "I see an RV pad going in here but no RV. Yum, bug."

Where’s a Hungry Chicken When you Need One?

You know how Victor likes to take photos?

“Look how cute Mom. A Mommy grasshopper with its baby riding on its back!”

"Um ya. That's what it is. A baby riding on her back."


While I was lying in bed last night feeling the cool breeze and trying to drift off to sleep, I was reminded of how excited I am that the neighboring mink farm is moving out of state. Eau de Sewer Smelling Mink does not sweet dreams bring. We have a view of the distant mink sheds outside our living room window. I'm thinking high rises would be a better smelling alternative.

We're New Parents!

We’ve adopted a sweet little girl! We brought her home last Thursday. The adoption isn’t final yet but I couldn’t wait to share the good news!

We actually have to prove to the authorities that we can go six months without her head getting chewed off by the neighbor’s dog and then we can officially call her our own. Until then we are still benefiting from all the eggs she’s giving us and, oh, did I say it was one little girl? I meant 11 little girls and we love them all! Of course we have our favorites but we would never tell them that. At least not until they’re older and we need to use it against them.

Aren't they adorable? I don’t even know why we had kids when we could have just had chickens because most of the time I can’t tell them apart. They fight the better part of each day and when they’re not fighting they’re eating. They’re noisy and disobedient and they stink. They never clean up after themselves and they have terrible table manners.

Chickens are actually better than kids in a lot of ways because they feed us breakfast, although not in bed and we have to cook it ourselves. They never whine that I’m spending too much time on the computer and they don’t cry if I won’t let them read book #4 (that's how behind the times we are) in the Harry Potter series because none of their friends are reading it. In fact they don’t even have any friends. We home school them so they can be un-socialized but I swear to you that they were weird and unfashionable chickens when we got them. Really.

If they fight too much or just plain annoy me then I can lock them in a cage for three days with nothing to eat but bread and water until they’ve learned their lesson and no one can take them away from me for doing it.

Speaking of bread and water, they never complain about my cooking. They eat anything and everything I so lovingly prepare for them and they don’t even mind that it’s all smashed together and thrown in the dirt.

Our biggest concern is keeping them safe from the neighbor’s dog. If it even comes near my little girls again then I am so going to be mad at it because that’s really about all I can do. Get really, really mad. I might even call up the neighbors in a fit of rage and say, “Your dog chewed our chicken’s head off!”

“Sorry about that,” they’ll say.

And then I’ll say, “Thank you!” and slam the phone down because I am really mean and take charge like that when I need to be.

This is sad and wrong.

Hopefully the photos are working now. Can you tell me why blogger changes the html when I publish some of my posts? I'm especially having the hardest time with the videos I put on my blog. Why? Why would they want to make my life more difficult in this way? What did I ever do to them?

Did anyone go watch the chicken video? Click on the link below, watch the video and tell me what you think.



Ok. I am never eating store bought chicken or eggs again. Maybe.

http://www.goveg.com/factoryFarming_chickens.asp

Vegan anyone?

Definitely something to think about.

The Bossy Hen

Chickens Are A Wonderful Bird

The Moody Teenagers

These photos don't convey how much fun we've had with these chickens. When they're not trying to kill each other or peck our toes off we love them. Kind of like kids.

And then there were 5

Our fluffy babies are growing up.

What's left of them anyway.

Now they are in that embarrassingly awkward adolescent stage where they think they know everything and have terrible hygiene.

From the looks of it we are not the best chicken ranchers in town. At least I hope we're not.

Stranger - "I work part time at the railroad and I am the full time chicken rancher of two chickens, Buddy and Sally. So far they are like Adam and Eve and they haven't figured out how to get out of the garden."

Sally has just not been putting out like we wanted her to. You would think that after a year of love and food she would show some gratitude by making our breakfast, but no! At least not until about one week before the unspeakable happened. We didn't even get enough eggs out of her to make an omelet.

So we started out the year with Buddy and Sally and 8 new baby chicks (10 total).

Most of them soon met their demise.

• One chick died from natural causes the first week. This was followed by a mournful funeral service with all the trimmings. (9 left)



• Our sweet hen Sally lost her head to a neighbor's dog. This was followed by much crying and a quick burial. No more fresh eggs! (8 left)



• One adolescent chicken lost it's life to some unknown predator. This was followed by chicken parts being chucked out into the field. (7 left)



• The widower Buddy was given to a kind farmer because this farmer's wife was sick of him pooping on the front porch. This was followed by Buddy driving the new farmer's wife crazy but a deals a deal and he is not welcome back. (6 left)



• Two adolescent chickens mysteriously disappeared one night. There were no body parts to pitch. (Only 4 left!)







• One hen pecked hen was brought home from Auntie's house to find a new home at the Gallagher Farm. Fresh brown eggs again! (5's better than 4 I guess.)
  
  
  

Words cannot describe how much fun a four hour car ride is with a stinky full grown chicken in the back seat so here is a video. As you can see our new hen has terrible manners. Look what a mess she's making. She'll fit right in at our place.

Our Neighbors Are So Hating Us Right Now

(My nine year old took these photos for me because I was too lazy to do it myself. He takes good photos but his prices are steep.)

Chickens Are a Wonderful Bird

Victor- "Did you know chickens are a wonderful bird because you can eat it before it’s born and you can eat it after it’s dead?"

Look at our wonderful baby Easter presents! No, we are not going to eat them but hopefully they will all be good little girls that will make us lots of eggs to eat and none of them will have to be sent to foster homes this year for being big bad roosters.

We went to the Baby Animals Days that we love so much except that there were about 15,000 people too many this year so this is a tradition that has come to an end. Next year we will have our own baby animal days and you are invited!



We went home with a box of clothes for Lovely from my SIL. She picked this outfit out all by herself. Doesn't she have style? Of course I let her wear it to the store because that's what homeschooling farmers do but mostly because she looked so adorable!