Can You Keep a Secret Baby?

Whenever my three year old Lovely can see that I'm in pain from this pregnancy she tells me she will take me to the doctor so he can lift my shirt up and take the baby out. Wouldn't that be nice?

Tonight as we were snuggling in our usual hangout, the couch, she confided in me her secret fears. "I don't want the doctor to cut your tummy Mommy," she said, "I don't want a big, big hole in your tummy." I almost cried! I had no idea she had thought things through that far!

I reassured her that the doctor wasn't going to cut my tummy but I didn't explain exactly how the baby would be coming out. Not because I didn't think she could handle the information but because I don't want her announcing it to everyone we meet. As it is every friend and stranger we talk to finds out more about this baby we are having than they really need to know. Really.

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In other news...

Is it ever ok for a husband to come home with a snow mobile without discussing it with his wife first?

And if he does discuss it with his wife and she says no, they don't need a snow mobile, then does that make it ok for him to go buy one anyway?

And if he makes an embarrassing call to your midwife for you and then a special trip into town to pick up the prescription after he worked all night does that make him some kind of knight in shining armor so you can't be mad about the snowmobile that he's hiding in the back of his truck? The one the kids have seen but no one is saying a word to you about?

Just checking.

Remember that new van I wanted?

I've heard of women who go out and make big purchases, like new cars, without talking to their husbands about it first. I wonder what drives them to it?

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Don't forget to submit your guess on our baby stats for a chance to win some free Organizing Bags. Click here to enter.

My Rude Family

I was looking at some old drafts in my editor and stumbled upon this. I wrote it last fall when I was very sick with this pregnancy and I lived on the couch. I don't know how I put up with these people.

First

My son told me today that he knew why I ate so much. "You have to get your stomach really big first so the baby will have room to grow inside it." Excuse me? I do not eat a lot for one thing and for another thing I do not eat a lot! I have to eat often because it helps the nausea but I do not eat a lot! We'll see if anyone believes me once this baby is born and I confess how much weight I gained.

Next

My husband went to bed early tonight and then called me on my cell phone from our bedroom. "I was just calling to see if you could sleep on the couch tonight so I could stretch out for once in my own bed."

"What??? You get to stretch out every single night you sleep out of town in your own hotel room!"

"Ya but it's not my own bed. You're on the couch anyway and when you get up in the morning you'll just be back on it again so why don't you just sleep there tonight?"

"Honey, you go ahead and stretch out all you like. When I come to bed tonight I will deal with you in my own way."

"And what way will that be?"

"You'll find out. Goodnight sweetie!"

It's a Boy!

Contrary to my wishes of not finding out, we now know that we are having a boy.

We went to our favorite Chinese restaurant with some family the other day for dinner. You know, the place we eat at so often that the owners gave me a baby gift the last time I gave birth? And they hold our baby for us while we eat? Ya, that place. Anyway, Mau, or however you would spell it, came out of the kitchen to have a look at me and tell me what kind of baby we would be having. She took my face in her hands and examined it closely and announced that it would be a boy.

Then she spoke some Chinese to one of the other ladies there and they both nodded their heads in agreement. It would definitely be a boy. Because apparently boys are hard on their mothers and make them ugly. She pointed to Victor to see if it was true with him and I agreed that yes, I was ugly when I was pregnant with him too.

In fact the whole table agreed that I was very, very ugly.

Yep, we must be having a boy.

A Sampling of the Weird Family

People have been asking me what kind of storage shelves we bought this week. These are great shelves we got at Sam's Club. They're sturdy and not too expensive at $60 a unit. We're not storing our buckets on them but we needed shelves for canned goods and a lot of the other items on my storage list.



We had a home school Valentine party today of which I didn't take any decent photos of as usual. It's a good thing I always keep my camera in my purse or else I might forget to forget to use it.



One of the things I love about home schooling are the activities. It's not just a classroom of fourth graders having a party at school. It's a building full of families with kids and parents of all ages, spending time together, having fun. I would be missing out on all that fun if I sent my kids off to school every day.



Someone mentioned to me the other day that they couldn't tell from my blog that I home school. I guess I don't mention it very often except to make fun of my kids for looking like home schoolers. Then it hit me that someone who didn't know us might think I was making fun of home schoolers! Well, I am but I can because I am one.

I also love the times that just the Moms get together for book discussions and sharing nights because the Moms I meet are so amazing! I wish some of them were home schooling me! They asked me to talk about organizing last month and it was so much fun that we did it again last night. If you haven't invited me over yet to yap about organizing, you should. Invite a bunch of friends, make some yummy food and I will be there!



No, worms did not dig tunnels on my daughter's arm. This is what happens when you put together a giant rubberband and your father teaches you how to stretch it around the house a couple times and then when he isn't there to supervise you try it again except that this time you let go of it while your sister is holding onto the other end.

By the way, I can never figure out when to use onto/on to and into/in to. I read this explanation but I still can't figure it out. So is it "onto the other end" or "on to the other end"?

I also don't know which is correct, home school, home-school, or homeschool. Maybe I need to go back to school to figure it out.

Happy New Year!

Help Me!

Ok, this isn't an official New Year post but I had to check in anyway. I have so much blogging to do that I can't even think straight. I'll get to it! I just don't want to do it today apparently.

What I do want to do is clean my house because I've decided that having a clean house ROCKS! Seriously. It feels so great to finally have a functional kitchen that all I want to do is keep it clean. At least until the excitement wears off some time tomorrow afternoon.

I am so looking forward to this new year. We all sat down and made a list of the fun things we experienced last year and some of the things we are looking forward to this year. I was shocked at some of the things my kids remembered and also by what they forgot.

• We went to the lake several times
• We have a new baby cousin
• Grandma and Grandpa and cousin David came home from their missions
• We got air conditioning in our house before we perished from the heat
• We have sidewalks and steps to the house
• We have lots of chickens and a new chicken coop
• We made new friends
• We all had birthdays!
• and more

Some of the things we want to do this next year are,

• Go on more picnics
• Plant a garden
• Have a new baby!
• Learn Spanish
• Go to Mexico
• Teach Lovely to read
• Raise cows (really?)

Doesn't that all sound like fun! Especially the picnic part. I can't wait for someone to take me on lots of picnics.

Bad hair day or not, those cheeks look mighty tasty.

I can't remember how the conversation got started but at dinner I found myself telling the kids about a book I just re-read, The Good Earth.

"When there was a famine some of the families began eating each other. They started with the youngest children first." Don't you think cannibalism makes good dinner conversation?

My ten year old son (our oldest) said, "Oh, poor Persistence and Lovely!" Meaning of course that they would be eaten first since they were the youngest. So I had to reply, "Except in our case we would eat the oldest child first since he costs the most to feed."

"Oh, poor Daddy!" he replied.

We're All About the Spirit of Giving

Although we might have something to learn about the spirit of receiving.

I don't know whose idea it was to go out on a night like tonight. In our defense, it wasn't a bit stormy when we left. We didn't hit the hail, gail force winds or thunder and lightening until we were in the canyon and then it was too late to turn back.

If you did decide to go shopping five days before Christmas though, during a sever winter storm is definitely the time to do it. The streets were crowded but the stores aisle were empty!

Speaking of Christmas shopping (I know that I'm the only one that's admitting to it at this point.) Stranger asked me what I wanted for Christmas this morning.

Lazy - "Don't worry about it. You don't usually buy me anything so why should this year be any different?" (Not really true but you know what liar I am.)

Stranger - "You don't buy me anything."

Lazy - "Well why should I buy you something you don't like just so you can return it later?"

Stranger - "You don't like anything I buy either."

Lazy - "That's not true! I always like jewelry! Just don't buy it from a store that doesn't take returns."

Have I Mentioned Lately

That we're moving to South America? Yes, it's true. In Stranger's dreamland. We're selling our house and everything we own and moving to South America so we can learn Spanish. I've told him we could just hire a Spanish speaking maid but for some reason he doesn't think that's as good an idea. Quitting your job and moving to another country makes much more sense.

To tell you the truth the kids and I are all for it as long as we can take our chickens with us.

So if you were moving down south which country would you choose?

Thou Shalt Not Overschedule Thyself

A couple years ago I was tired of making bad scheduling decisions and my husband was tired of hearing me complain about it so he finally laid down the Law.

Thou Shalt Consult Thy Husband Before Making Any Plans with Friends and Family

Of course I don't always follow Stranger's Law but I save myself a lot of frustration when I do. Stranger isn't a controlling husband, he just wants my life to be as happy and stress free as possible so here's how it works.

Alice calls and asks if I would like to use her extra tickets to take my kids to the Symphony the next day and by the way could she and her kids catch a ride with us because her car is in the shop? I would love nothing more than to go to the symphony and Alice's life might end if I don't take it upon myself to drive her there so instead of checking my planner to see what I already have scheduled for the next day I say, "Of course!"

But then I looked down at the *tattoo on the top of my right hand that says "Thou Shalt Consult Thy Husband First" and say, "Oh wait a minute Alice, I need to talk to my husband to see if that's going to work for us."

So I call Stranger and he says, "What else do you have planned for tomorrow?"

"Oh, I didn't think of that. (Because that would be too easy.) It looks like I'm having a root canal in the morning and then I'm babysitting the neighbor's two year old triplets for six hours while she has her hair and nails done. I guess I can't really fit the symphony into any of that." Apparently I didn't consult with Stranger when I scheduled babysitting after a root canal. See what I mean?

So I call Alice back and tell her that the symphony isn't going to work for our family tomorrow. (Who can argue with that?) She cries for a minute and I offer to pay for her to rent a car to ease my guilt about not being everything for everybody and then we're both happy again.

Now that's just one scenario. The other one would be where Alice asks me to join her six person team in running 157 miles to raise money for some great cause. After I tell her I need to talk to my husband about it first, I sit and think about all the good that will come from raising money for such a great cause and then I think of all the good that will come from my staying alive to raise my three kids and I don't even have to call Stranger. I just call Alice back and tell her that my premature death isn't going to work for our family this week. She cries for a minute and I offer to pay for the ambulance should anyone need it during the run. This eases my guilt about not being everything for everybody and then we're both happy again.

Discussing and planning my life with my husband works for me. If you don't have a husband to consult I suggest a good friend or buying a **parrot named Bill. "I would love to Alice but I need to talk to Bill about it first." Hey, you'll never know what good advice Bill might have for you if you never ask.

*I don't actually have that tattoo yet but I seriously considering it.
**I'm not suggesting that a parrot is as useful as a husband but in some cases one may be. Don't tell my husband I said that.

More posts on planners and schedules.


If you're here for WFMW you might want to move along now before things get out of hand but if you want to read footage from an actual conversation to see how Stranger's Law really works in our family keep reading.

Stranger - We're going to call that lady to tomorrow.

Lazy - Kay.

Sranger - Are you just saying that?

Lazy - Yes.

Stranger - No you're not. We really going to call that lady tomorrow.

Lazy - Kay.

Stranger - Are you just saying that again?

Me - Yes.

Stranger - Don't get mouthy with me because I'm running the show here and we are calling that lady.

Me - Kay.

Stranger - What?

Me - Kay. You run the show and I'll run the mouth.

Stranger - That's not funny. And you're not blogging about this either.

Me - Kay.

Apparently Stranger's Law is easier made than followed.

Would you eat worms for $100?

Obviously I wouldn't because Victor had to find a different partner for the county fair's Fair Factor competition. Here's Victor with his last minute partner. Don't they look tough?

Stranger tried to take a vacation day for it but that loving UP Railroad who is so supportive of familes, wouldn't let him. I almost cried when I found out that Victor would still be able to compete since he had been so excited about it for weeks. The amazing thing is that after the first day of events he and his partner were in first place! They ended up tieing for second place at the end but even though the didn't win $100 and an Ipod, they were awesome and had so much (disgusting) fun. It's the kind of fun that makes Mommy have to turn her head so she doesn't (almost) puke on her toddler while she's watching.

I guess I can say puke on my own blog right? I can't decide which is less disgusting, vomit or puke or throw up. What do you think? I had a friend once who used to say barf. Excuse me? Do not ever say barf in front of me. People do not barf. Dogs barf.

This is what I'm talking about, worm potato salad and cricket cake. Don't those worms look fat and juicy? They were just the beginning of the competition. Sardine ice cream, curdled milk, rotten garbage...

And could the county fair really be any fun if you didn't get to sit in a swimming pool of poo? I guess not for some people.

So anyway, while I was watching people puke at the fair I was not home getting dinner ready for 14 people coming over that night for dinner and a book club. I'm so organized that I stopped by the store on my way home to grab the food and was just getting out of the shower as everyone was arriving at my door. Yay for me! They only had to wait an hour and a half till the food was ready to eat. It was honestly one of the most brilliant (brilliantly stupid) organizational moments of my life.

The food was great though. Especially after I burned the sauce and had to start over with it which was totally worth it because as Stranger just pointed out, not one single person even mentioned liking it. Ya, good times.

For more tips on organizing your cooking and meals please visit http://someone_elses_cooking_tips.com/ because I clearly don't have this figured out.

Fun Family Activity

Well we couldn't wait. We had to find out what that smell was in the pantry today.

You know when you come home from the grocery store and your 7 and 9 year old carry all the groceries in and put them away while you're unloading the toddler and getting dinner started?

And you know when you're certain you bought a carton of eggs but no one can find them so you decide you must have left them in the cart so you call the store and they tell you to bring your receipt in with you next time to pick up a free carton of eggs?

Except that you never do because your husband gives you the receipt but you keep forgetting to take it in until you eventually lose it?

And then you know when your pantry starts smelling funny so you go in there to do some organizing and you find a carton of eggs in the bottom of a grocery bag under the marshmallows and when you open the carton they look more like big blue speckled robins eggs instead of white chicken eggs?

Oh, that's never happened to you?

Well, if it ever did then when you were going to throw the eggs outside in the garbage can your husband would say, "Wait! Don't throw those away! Let's pitch them at the kids playing outside!" and he would be talking about his own kids.

You can pretty much figure then that he is planning on someone else cleaning the kids up after they are covered with rotten egg slime.

And that someone else would be you.

Can you have a schedule when you're as lazy as I am?

*Updated

Julie asked what my two year old does for personal time. That is a good question because she doesn't have personal time and it's got me thinking about what I should be doing with her. Thanks a lot Julie! Just one more thing for me to do!!! She gets read to throughout the day by the kids and Mom and Dad but the rest of her waking hours she spends playing with us and terrorizing the house by getting into things.

If she were my oldest I would make a regular time of day to read scriptures (a couple verses) and other good books to her and discuss them. Maybe even have her color a picture about one of the books. I would never turn it into "school" time. I would make it fun and only do as much as she wanted to do. She really loves her Sign Baby cards, doing puzzles with us, playing with play dough and getting in the way when the rest of us are working on things. We have recently been teaching her to play board games. Of course a toddler only really needs to play and have books read to her. That doesn't change for a long time.

I'm really looking forward to the time when she stops taking naps and participates in Mom School. I'm sure she'll have a lot of new ideas for us!

Tami asked me what our schedule is like as home schoolers so here you go for what it's worth.

I'm actually not opposed to schedules but the truth is we've never had much of one because of Stranger's job. He works for the railroad and he is on call 24 hours a day seven days a week. He gets a call an hour and a half before he has to be at work so most of the time we are winging it. We can be sitting down to eat at a restaurant or in the middle of Church or on our way to a family dinner and he'll say, "I just got called to work. We've got to go." He's also coming home at all hours of the day and night so when we're in the middle of something it gets put on hold to welcome Daddy home. No, he doesn't get any days off. Not weekends, not evenings, not nothing. He gets a few vacation weeks and that's it.

So now that you understand his schedule I will try to explain ours. This last year I have been trying to work more on having a schedule for our day. These are not rules but guidelines and I've noticed that the closer we stick to them, the happier everyone is, especially me!

• I'm working on getting up before 7:00 in the morning to have personal time but that doesn't always happen.



• I suggest to the kids that they get up at 8:00 for their personal time. My 9 year old is strict with himself about this time but my 7 year old doesn't care. Sometimes she gets up and sometimes she doesn't.



• We have breakfast and then my 9 year old has his personal time (prayer, scriptures, clean room, comb hair, brush teeth, read, work on a project, etc.) My 7 year old doesn't believe in having separate personal time. She has note cards detailing her jobs and everything she wants to do and she gets started on them.



• My 9 year old starts his jobs at 10:00.



• I'm getting lunch ready and dinner in the crock pot by 11:00 and we eat at 12:00.



• After lunch is cleaned up we start our reading and Mom school (If Dad is home then it's usually Dad school.) and the 2 year old goes to bed for a nap.



• Between 3:00-4:00 we start getting ready to go to the gym.



• We often do our grocery shopping on our way home from the gym or stop at the library.



• We get home and eat dinner that is waiting in the crock pot (hopefully!)



• 7:00 the kids take their showers if they need them, get ready for bed and run around like wild banshees. You know how that goes.



• 8:00 they're in bed reading to themselves and thinking of reasons why they need to get up and tell me something.



• 9:00 lights out for them and I go to bed to do my own reading.



• 10:30 lights out for me.

I'm getting really good at helping the kids with their bed time but I'm still only about 4 out of seven on my own bed time.

If we have errands to run then we usually wait until Daddy is home to take us. I hate running around with the kids by myself and he loves to shop. It makes it nice because if Lovely falls asleep then one of us can sit in the car with her. I keep a list of errands we need to run so we can get it done all at once. Daddy gets mad if we run around and waste fuel anyway!

I am very strict about not scheduling anything in the morning or during nap time. That is our time to stay home as a family. If something comes up once a week I can handle it but it still bugs me.

Of course all of this will change as it gets hotter and we want to spend every day at the pool!

"The greatest maxim of all is that children should be brought up as simply and in as domestic a way as possible, and that they should be as much as possible with their parents, and learn to place the greatest confidence in them in all things." - Queen Victoria

In our home this means the kids don't play with friends every day and they don't participate in every outside activity that comes along. Just because every other child in America spends their days and evenings away from the influence of their parents doesn't make it right for us. The most important thing we can do as a family is spend time together.

Where we get to make poo poo jokes without getting in trouble.

Inspire not Require

This is one of the eight keys to A Thomas Jefferson Education. Do you have the talent to inspire your kids to greatness or do you most often resort to requiring? This was best described by Shannon Cannon at a TJEd retreat I went to two weeks ago. "It's your choice. You can either be inspired or I WILL require!" Don't you feel like that some times?



My two year old is ready to be potty trained. I am ready for my two year old to be potty trained. I am not ready to potty train my two year old.

Last year I was indecisive of whether I would inspire Lovely to potty train or if I would require it like I did with my older two. They were both potty trained, day and night, by two and a half. It was a long ugly (stinky) battle but I emerged victorious with many casualties on both sides. Cotton panties are supposed to be disposable right?

Now that the time has come I can't seem to force myself to require potty training. Am I too old and tired for the fight or am I now a wise and loving Mother? I'm voting for wise and loving so it's time to get inspiring!

Ok, but how do you inspire a two year old to potty train herself?

We made our weekly visit to the library yesterday and came home with lots of poopy books. The older kids were shocked, "Ewww, that's disgusting Mom!" Animals pooping, little girls pooping, poo poo in the potty, poo poo on the floor, poo poo at the zoo. Naked bums, poo poo holes, poopy diapers. Who knew there were so many details to be read, studied and giggled over??? When Daddy gets home we will be all about sphinct@rs and r@ctums (nothing funnier than teaching a two year old to saying sphinct@r) but until then we get elephant Doo Doo at the Zoo and we're doin' the

*Tushy Pushy
(sung to the tune of "The Hokey Pokey")

You pull your undies down.
You take the potty out.
You sit your bottom down,
And you push the poopy out.
You do the Tushy Pushy
Till the poop is in the pot.
That's what it's all about!

If that's not enough to get her *Itsy Bitsy Poo Poo dropping in the potty then I don't know what will. "

Are you feeling inspired yet Lovely? It's up to you. You can be inspired or I WILL require!"

*From Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Tot by Bruce Lansky

TV Turn-Off

Turn off is right! I despise television! Head over to Unplug Your Kids and join the challenge. Except that I want you to turn it off and leave it off! If your family is watching television it just may save your lives.

Turning off the T.V. will make you thinner, smarter, richer, and best of all, MORE ORGANIZED!!! That is my promise to you. Just try to prove me wrong!

Go to The Simple Dollar to see how much money you can save by turning off the T.V.

We turned off the T.V. exactly nine years. Stranger agreed before we got married that we wouldn't have T.V. in our home. What can I say? He was love sick! His opinions changed a bit after the wedding however so we continued to let ourselves get sucked into it's evil world for two years until we moved into our last house. Being so strategically placed behind a hill, we couldn't get one fuzzy channel without paying for cable. (Coincidence?) Anyone who knows Bruno the Bargain Slayer will not be surprised that it was a good enough reason for him to start going without.

We had a slight relapse in 2002 when I was stuck at home with two little babies and I thought I couldn't live without watching the Winter Olympics at home if I was going to miss going to miss all of the action. Of course we had to sign up for a whole year. We didn't have to watch it for a whole year but we did. Picture me with unlimited access to HGTV and TLC! That was pretty much a wasted year of my life but brighter things came when our subscription wore out and we didn't renew it. We have been T.V. free ever since.

If you are wondering how I have time to do all the things I do, I'll tell you my secret. I turned off the brain-sucking T.V. and you can do it too!

Happy Birthday to the Funnest Daddy in the Whole World

Touring soon in a city near you.

Aren't They So Helpful?

Saturday night the kids all took baths so they would be clean and shiny for Church the next morning.

Sunday morning my 2 year old came toddling down the hall with her pajamas soaking wet from head to toe. This was beyond a leaky diaper. I thought, "How many cups of milk did we give her last night?"

As I peeled the wet pajamas past her bum I thought, "This diaper is so wet that it has fallen down her pajama pant leg." Except that I didn't find a diaper in her pant leg. Where's the diaper???

That's when I remembered how my “oh so helpful” 7 year old had dressed the Lovely after her bath last night and her father had put her to bed. She slept all night wet and cold with no diaper!!!

This is when I might claim that fathers tend to be completely oblivious to details of child rearing like these while any Mother on earth would surely detect a diaper-less baby bum as she was carrying it to bed. Except then an oblivious father might remind me about the time I sent the kids to Church by themselves in January when I was nine months pregnant and then absentmindedly locked all the doors and got in the bathtub for two hours with the jets on so I couldn't hear my cold crying children outside pleading to be let in until they finally gave up and walked to my friends house who just happened to be home from Church with a sick baby and I was lucky that she was a good enough friend that she didn’t call child protective services on me. Um. At least I think that makes her a good friend.

I’m not sure that putting a baby to bed without a diaper exactly qualifies as child abuse the way locking your children out in the cold does so I think I’ll stop while I’m behind.

Speaking of half dressed, this is what we found as we were getting ready to leave a restaurant the other day. How many times have you calmly eaten dinner with your pants around your ankles?

Organize Your Socks

“I KNEW you were wearing my socks!”

“Why do I have to keep telling you I don’t wear your socks?”

“Then how come I can see them on your feet?”

“Well, of course I’m wearing them NOW. I mean, normally I don’t wear your socks.”

“Then why don’t I ever have any socks in my drawer?”

Taking him by the hand and leading him into our bedroom to see at least a dozen pairs of sock littering the floor, “I think I have solved the case of the missing socks.”

A few days later I excitedly show him my new idea, The Sock Basket! He doesn’t seem impressed.

“Look! I put a basket right here next to the bed for you to throw your socks in!”

“That’s just dumb.”

“What do you mean? Now they won’t be all over the floor.”

“Well, it’s dumb that I throw my socks on the floor. You should tell me to stop doing it.”

I’m speechless. That is something I have never considered. If you don’t want your husband to throw his socks on the floor then you should ask him to stop doing it? I think that is going to be my next “This has never worked for me Wednesday but you should definitely try it for yourself.”

The sock basket has worked for me though and you really should try it. And then when your husband walks in the bedroom and sees a pair of your socks laying on the floor next to the bed he can laugh at you and make fun of you for being such a slob.

So I have shown you dirty socks in a basket. Now you are going to see a real treat: stockings in a bag.

You know how I feel about organizing with bags. I put my nylons into their own separate baggies to keep them from getting snagged in my drawer. If you have a larger collection than I do you could label the bags or (and I just thought of this) you could attatch the bag, using a clothes pin, to the outfit you wear the nylons with. I don't know. Now I'm probably just getting too crazy for you.

Here is one last sock tip for you. Instead of keeping your kid's socks in their rooms, find a spot for them by the back door. That way they can grab their socks and shoes and be on their way in a hurry. Not that you would ever be in a hurry. You are too organized for that!

Find more wonderful tips at Works for me Wednesday!

For more of the wonderful world of Organizing Bags click here!

The Trouble Maker

Stranger stormed into the office the other night. He obviously had something on his mind, something he’d been thinking long and hard about.

The Conversation

“How long have you been in the Scout program?” he blurted out.

“I don’t know, about eight months,” I replied.

So they call you to work in the scouts and make you buy all those clothes and then you haven’t even been in there a year when they kick you out? (We just found a few days ago that I’ve been released from the Scouting program.)

No, they let me borrow the shirt.

Well, if they didn’t then you would have had to buy one right?

Yes.

That’s dumb that they would just get rid of you like that! Why do you have to cause so much trouble anyway?

Well, I’m a trouble maker. What can I say?

Then you’re just going to cause trouble somewhere else, no matter what your new calling is!

That’s true. Are you sorry you married such a trouble maker?

No, I just can’t believe they would get rid of you like that. I didn’t get rid of you!

Ahhhh, that is so sweet! It’s comforting to know that no matter how much trouble I cause, my husband will never get rid of me. Take that Cub Scouts!!! You didn’t want me but Stranger does and that’s all that matters.

The Background

In my Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, you don’t choose your callings. You are given a calling by the Bishop, the local leader, and whatever you are asked to do, you do it. Of course you are welcome to say no but don't. Just do what you are asked to do.

When we first moved here I was called to be one of two Wolf Leaders in my son Victor’s den. We had about 6 boys when we started and over the last eight months our den grew to 14 and more. I lost count somewhere along the way and things got so crazy that I didn’t even recognize or know the names of all our boys! I showed up and helped the best I could with the activities amid the commotion while trying to keep my 1 and 6 year olds out of harms way. Then we packed up and went home exhausted. We needed help ok? There is a problem, let’s solve it. That’s all I was asking. I don’t think that qualifies me as a trouble maker but I know that’s the way I come across at times.

And in the defense of the other Scout leaders, no one was getting rid of me. At least I’d like to imagine they weren’t! I think it’s natural to feel a little rejected whenever you get released from a calling. “What! I’m not good enough for you? You don’t want me anymore?” But life continues and I will go on to annoy and irritate the next group of people I am called to serve with. Hey, at least they don’t have to live with me!

Missing You

*Updated

I lost my pants. I have no idea how I managed it. It’s not like losing a flat piece of paper or a microscopic MP3 player. I don’t know how they could have just disappeared like this. My desk has gotten pretty cluttered lately but I got that cleaned off on Saturday and nope, no pants.

At first I thought they might have gotten mixed up with my son’s or husband’s jeans by mistake but I didn’t find them “with their clothes”. I was going to say, “in their drawers” but that sounded a little funny and plus it reminded me of the time Stranger mistakenly tried to wear a pair of my pants. The missing pants have to be in this house somewhere right? It’s not like I could have worn them somewhere and come home without them. Right? Let’s pretend I’m right.

Losing pants might not seem like a big deal for most of you but I only own two pairs. You thought they looked familiar didn’t you? I have to defend myself by saying when you’re 6-1, it’s pretty difficult to find pants that are long enough. It’s not like I can walk into Target and come out with anything below my calf, unless it’s a scarf and I’m not skinny enough to pull that off. No. The only place I can buy jeans is at the Gap and someone who lives for garage sales doesn’t get excited about spending $60 for a pair of pants.

I’ve been wearing the same two pairs of jeans since I had my baby almost two years ago and they were on sale when I bought them. At the same time I bought two more pair in the next size smaller. You know how dreamy you are after you’ve had a baby? You’ve been pregnant for so long that you are positive you are going to work out 5 hours a day and live off pizza fumes until you get back to the same size you were when you were ten. Besides, in 3 more seconds my skinny pants will be out of style even for a home-schooler. I’ve been eyeing them for two years now but every time I try to get too close they disappear into the skinny side of my closet like a mirage in the desert. I can see them but I can't quit reach them.

With diminished options yesterday morning I spotted a pair of those skinny pants and got them to hold still long enough for me to try them on. I was shocked that I could actually get them past my butt! Not only that but if I squeezed the fat really hard I could button them up!!! Doesn't that sound sexy? I’m guessing that if I lost another five pounds I would have two new pairs of pants to wear and I wouldn't need a belt to keep them hitched up like I did with the missing pants.

So now what do I do? I really can’t get to the gym more than 5 days a week and I was just recently considering cutting it back to three. I’m definitely not going to starve myself. My only other option appears to be plastic surgery. That seems like less of a hassle than finding another pair of jeans that fit.

* "Follow the Bouncing Ball. All clues lead to Grandma Robbins." This was a bizarre comment left by Stranger this morning. I had no idea what it was supposed to mean until he reminded me of our all time favorite family joke. A couple summers ago the family was at my parents home for a BBQ in the back yard. Everyone was picking up the mess and getting ready to go home when one of the grandkids asked, "Where do these balls go?" Someone else casually answered, "In Grandpa's pants." I'm not sure but it might have been Grandma herself. Some of us thought this was a very rude thing to say until we found out that she had sewn a big bag to store all the balls in the garage and she had made it out of an old pair of Grandpa's pants! So yes indeed, the balls do go in Grandpa's pants. If my parents weren't in Alaska for another six months I might have suspected Grandma in the case of the missing pants!

I Love My Day Job

One of our favorite family hobbies is to turn everything we do into a business. I don't know why we do this because it's all talk. My husband and I both have full time jobs, him as an engineer and me as a Mother. We do it so often that the kids have picked up on it too. "Mom, I'm going to sell this (dumb cheap plastic five cent) McDonald's toy on E-Bay. Do you think I'll get $20 for it?" I reply, "Considering the fact that 20 billion other children all have the same toy and they got it for free, I don't think so."

The kids did actually have a prospering business a couple years ago. It was called the Big Candy Wagon. They sold candy to poor unsuspecting children as they got off the bus once a week, children who where just itching to get rid of their extra lunch money. My kids were making up to $30 a day but they were forced to go out of business when they started eating more candy than they sold and their mean Mom wouldn't buy them any more inventory.

Persistence is going to open her own restaraunt so she can cook and be a waitress whenever she wants and Victor is planning his own party/entertaining business. He has already mastered the art of balloon animals, mime, juggling and yesterday he was perfecting his magic card handling act.

My husband has opened more restaurants, car repair shops, construction companies and private schools in his imagination than I can even count. I've published several self-help books, designed numerous lines of clothing for tall women and even started my own construction company in my mind. We have very busy brains in our family.

Interestingly enough my whole Organizing Bag business wasn't planned in any way. It just happened or rather I was forced into it. I made the bags for myself and then everyone else wanted some and there you have it.

This is a conversation that Stranger and I had while driving in the van the other day.

Me – Do you think I could make a business out of building closets for people?

Stranger – No.

Me – Why? You don’t think I could make enough money to make it worth my time?

Stranger – Well, what happens the first time you drill into electrical wires and burn their house down?

Me – Ya, I would probably do something like that wouldn’t I?

Stranger – Yes, or you might drill a hole through their sewer pipe and flood the basement with stinky sewer water.

Me – Hey! That was one tiny little hole and a small puddle of water isn’t a flooded basement! If you could have smelled sewer water it wouldn’t have taken us three months to find the leak!

Hmmm. I guess I'm going to stick with my day job.

More Than You Wanted to Know About Our Vacation

What an adventure! I promise there is some organizing stuff in this long post. I color coded it for you so you don't have to read all the details if you don't want to!

Victor turned nine while we were on vacation and he pulled a tooth out on his birthday which made it especially fun for him. I’m not sure why that is so exciting. It just is!

Lovely started getting some kind of skin disease the day after we left so she had painful sores on her bum and feet and legs and horrible diarrhea. We were happy that the worst of it was over the first week. Isn’t that a great thing to get when you’re traveling for hours in a car seat?

Persistence who has been sick for several weeks and losing weight, also had a bit of a hard time on this trip. Right before we left we started thinking she might have silliac disease so we have had to cut wheat out of her diet. It was quite challenge making sure she had food she could eat that didn’t have wheat in it! She did really well with her new diet but sometimes she would get sad that she couldn't eat some of the things we were eating.

I did a pretty good job packing for our trip. Normally I pack WAY too much stuff. I brought along my travel bag of course. I had the kids each take four outfits plus their church clothes (with extra underwear and socks of course) and that was just the right amount. They just wore things a couple times when they needed to and I was able to do laundry at my sister’s and again at a couple of the hotels we stayed in. I took along my own laundry detergent packed into serving sized baggies and I organized the kid’s outfits into large baggies. It’s great to be able to rummage through a suitcase without messing everything up and they take up less space because you can squeeze all the air out.

I brought paper plates and napkins, plastic spoons and forks and lots of water bottles to refill. I raided the medicine cabinet for anything we might need on our trip and I brought puzzles and activities for Lovely to play with in the car that we never used. I also brought too many books. Actually I think one of the kids snuck a bag of books into the car that I didn’t intend to bring. I am so lucky that my kids don’t get car sick. They read in the car wherever we go.

Unfortunately I do get car sick. I always have. But I had a great plan for this trip. I bought some less drowsy Dramamine and took half a pill so that I could quilt or work on my laptop while we traveled. It worked wonderfully at keeping me from getting car sick but sadly I also passed out 30 minutes after taking it! I tried it several times but I just could not stay awake! I guess it wasn’t such a great plan.

I really like these file storage containers for keeping the van organized. They’re tall and they fit perfectly between the seats. I always keep one in the car to use as a garbage can and we have a couple more that we fill with books and toys.


Do you want to know my secret for keeping the baby happy on our trip? Books on tape! Who would have guessed it? Every time we put one in she would get perfectly quiet to listen to it and eventually fall asleep. The last day of our trip we drove 12 hours straight home from San Jose and she slept most of the way while we listened to our books.
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